Sibling Unaware of Cause of Death

My 10 year old believes his brother's suicide last December was an accident--words from his lips. I am torn with what to do...explain that his brother ended his life. It wasn't an "accident". Bryan was very sick, yes, but accident, no. He's going to school at a small school where I'm sure other kids will eventually put it together for him if he doesn't. It's been several months ago however, and I would hate for for my son to hear something and find out it was the truth from me after the fact.

I don't know what to do...I don't want to upset him any more than he is already by losing his brother. His brother was 16. We were in the middle of an ugly custody battle, and I am afraid my youngest would feel responsible. My oldest certainly did. I can't go through that again.

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Permalink Reply by Janet Garrett Nenzel on October 16, 2013 at 2:48pm

Dear Lynda,

Am sorry for the loss of your son. I too lost my youngest, Garrett, just before his 22nd birthday, 7 1/2 months ago. His older brother (26 at the time)actually said to me "Garrett did not kill himself because he was depressed." I think he just needs time to process what has happened. I do believe it would be best for your other son to hear the truth from you. I am sharing a website of a grief organization here locally in VA. (see below) that has excellent resources - websites, recommended books by age, etc. The Dougy Center www.dougy.org and Kids Konnected www.kidskonnected.org are other organizations that can direct you. You have enough on your shoulders without worry of being found out. I believe you will all have more peace when you can talk and support each other openly. Hugs, Janet

http://fullcirclegc.org/grief-resources/

Permalink Reply by Lisa Schenke on October 16, 2013 at 4:54pm

Hi Lynda,

I am sorry to hear about your son. I lost my oldest son in 2008 when he was 18 years old. My other two sons were 17 and 14 at the time. As difficult as it is, I think you should tell him the truth. I believe it will only hurt more to find out the truth later and feel he was "lied to" even if you are protecting him. I read an excellent book called "Surviving Bill" by Mike Reynolds. Mike was 11 yrs old when his 15 yr old brother took his own life. I recommend it for you now. For your son when you feel he is ready.

Sincerely,

Lisa

withouttim.com

Permalink Reply by Lynda on October 23, 2013 at 1:22pm