Dear Little Big.,
I am so sorry for your loss. What you feel is normal. I have been down this road. I could not grasp the fact that someone took the choice away from my loved one to live. I was angry and the pain I could not bear. I no longer feared death. Despite I am so very needed here on earth with a handicap child I want to go be with my grandson. In Oct will be 2 years and through love, support and websites like this I will celebrate the wonderful life of my grandson. How did I do it? One day at a time. I wrote my thoughts down remembered the beautiful child he was but most of all remembered that he was with Jesus and I would see him again. Don't look at tomorrow. Take one day at a time. We all grieve differently some a week a month and they are able to move on some months or even years. I still have fits of raging anger. When they come I look at his smile or go back and read my journal or just pray. Go to a support group. There are many out there and it helps because you can share your feelings with others that feel as you do. I am here if you need to talk. Know that you are in my thoughts and Prayers.
May God Bless you and your family