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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies

Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on November 7, 2022 at 5:10am

Steve ...

What a beautiful sunset for you and Chuck to look at.  It is good to see both of you on the forum.  I think of both of you often.  I've been very lax for months due to some friends passing away.  My dear neighbor Dan who was my go-to man who would fix things for me and his girlfriend too have always been so good to me and unfortunately, Dan became ill and passed in September.  It was a shock for his girlfriend and also myself and I still miss him.  His girlfriend and I still keep a close eye on each other and have been out for dinner once and planning to go out again soon.

My best girlfriend had her husband pass away 3 years ago; then her 46 year old daughter from cancer and 6 months after that her son who was 51 passed away from a brain bleed.  We keep in touch every day and just talk and I get her laughing sometimes.  I know how horrific it must be for her so I've visited her several times and once got her to a nice pub by the river during the summer and sat outside and ordered dinner and drinks.  She seemed to enjoy it, but I still know that '2 masks' a happy face when out and sad when you get home.  Grief just takes time.  

Hope you and Chuck are having the time of your lives and as I said always think of you both even though I haven't posted.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on November 7, 2022 at 5:00am

Dear Sara ...  It is so nice to see you post and to see others post.

I'm doing about the same thing you are.  I have a landscaper who does work for commercial companies, but a Christian so he takes one day a week and does Senior landscaping and does mine for such a low cost.  I have a huge garden rockery, bushes and I just can't do it anymore.  I also have to get my eave troves done as we've had so much rain and they are over-flowing with leaves.  Still, we had a very late Fall and now the storms are coming in.  We've had a bad power outage here and across BC and of course Vancouver Islands.  I felt like the Goodyear Tire kid with flashlight in hand grouping my way throughout the house alone with the exception of my dog Lulu.  I do understand that you know Ken was sending people for you to make things easier because I feel Ernie is around doing the same thing.  I can't believe it's going on almost 12 years since he's been gone, but every so often I do feel his presence.  

October was a bad month for me and nothing seemed to go right.  I had to put my 18 year old little Cockapoo Booker to sleep and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  He was my 'little man' taking over after Ernie passed away.  He had a good life and I was witth him to the end.  I still can cry off on.  I miss him dearly.  I try to think positively and that he is with Ernie and they're waiting for my time.  Now I just have my dear 12 year old adopted shelter dog (adopted her at 10 years old) to keep me company, but wow!  She sure doesn't act her age and she's so playful and frisky.  Since Booker has been gone she is still looking for him so I'm keeping an eye out to adopt another smaller dog as a pal for her.  Lulu is a Bichon Frise'.  

My nephews have moved to Calgary and my one nephew who is married with 2 children I do miss them and Christmas just isn't going to be the same without them.  My brother and his wife still live here and haven't moved to Calgary yet.  If they do then I'll have no family left here even though my nephews really want me to move to Calgary, but at my age and little help it's just too much for me to move so I'm sticking to staying here where I do have some friends and things I'm use to.  

As low as I can feel at times Christmas is always my favorite time of year.  So here's a laugh for us all; I ordered 5' flocked artifical tree from a company and when I got the box it must have weighed in at over 70 lbs.  I could hardly get it into the house and had to slide it into my kitchen and there it stays!  I looked at the box and lo and behold it's a wooden, carved room divider with a carved Elephant in white/gold.  What????  Not my tree and had to reorder, but they told me I would have to keep this huge box for 2 weeks until they are sure no one claims it and if not it's mine to do as I like with it.  I'm not East Indian!  LOL  I don't know how to sell it on E-Bay so I may just give it to these nice East Indians who own our corner store.  I just want it out of here!

Sorry this couldn't be a more cheerful post, but I just had to get it off my chest.  

I hope all of us continue to keep posting.  I think of all of you often.  

Much love

Marsha

Comment by Sara Murphy on November 6, 2022 at 8:40pm

Steve....that's a beautiful sunset.  It's nice that you and Chuck can sit on the porch and watch it set every night with Mark and Larry standing right behind you

I also get a message that the site is not secure but it's been like that for years.  

Comment by Steve G. on November 6, 2022 at 2:11pm

This was taken a couple of nights ago, from our front porch.

Comment by Steve G. on November 6, 2022 at 1:59pm

Hi Sara,

Good to hear from you and that you are still going strong.  We all have had to go through this as if we had any choice in the matter, I can now add lol...

When Mark passed, I stopped listening to music, that was something we both enjoyed together, going to concerts, plays etc... That changed once I met Charles, he to enjoys music as much as me.  We have been to a couple of plays and musical concerts.  At first it did not seem the same, I felt a little guilty until halfway through it I felt comfortable, I actually felt that Mark and Larry were right there with us.  k

Moving has been a journey just as any other episode in this life good and full of twists and turns.

I love it up here in NY, the weather is actually Autum, pleasant temps during the day and cooling off at night.

Our home has a beautiful view of Lake Onieda facing west, so we get spectacular sunsets.

I too am wondering about Marsha; this site is so quiet, and my McAfee account has labeled it not secure.

Glad you are doing well, take care my friend.

Steve

Comment by Sara Murphy on November 6, 2022 at 1:35pm

Hi Chuck, Good to hear from you.  I think of everyone here often but it's been so quiet lately.  I'm glad you and Steve are settling in .  A New York winter is no joke but summers in Texas are not easy either.

I'm doing ok, just plodding along doing life the best I can.  I've been getting some things done in the yard (and when I say I'm getting things done, I mean I'm paying other people to do them).  Oddly enough I asked my landscaper if he could pull out some overgrown bushes around the deck and the friend of his that he brought to do this is the son of the woman who worked for Ken.  I knew he would do a good job and I knew Ken was looking out by sending him my way.  The people who haven't experienced this may not believe but our loved ones are always there, always looking out for us and send who/what we need when we need it.  Ken did the same thing a few years ago when I needed to replace the roof.  He let me know who he wanted me to use and they did a good job.

Today I'm doing something that I told myself I would never, ever do for the remainder of my life and that's make a banana bread.  Crazy I know but Ken loved banana bread, I made it a certain for him and decided that if he could never eat it again, then I would never make it again.  There's no real reason for me to make it today other than I want to get past that train of thought and I'm calling that more progress.

Ok, last thing.......has anyone heard from Marsha?  I haven't seen her post in quite a while.

Take care my friends and remember, I'm always thinking of you.

Love, Sara

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on November 6, 2022 at 7:35am

Hi Sara,

Great to hear from you! Steve and I are doing well, preparing for winter in upstate NY which will be a big change from TX. We'll try to post photos here once we figure out how to get them from phone/camera to email access - gotta love technology.

I think of everybody here often especially as I'm always telling people we meet our story of how and where we met. 

Mostly I just find myself pausing throughout the day and reflecting on what we've gone through to get here. The journey has been full of twists and turns, and these will continue I'm sure - but we're still here, still looking forward even as we describe Larry and Mark to folks, and being grateful for what has been given to us - a new life. 

Sara, I deeply sincerely hope you are happy, and want you to always know that your love and support is one of the reasons I'm still around.

Love. Chuck

Comment by Sara Murphy on November 5, 2022 at 4:39pm

Hi Everyone...I'm checking in.  Is everyone doing ok?

Comment by Jeanette McSherry on September 1, 2022 at 10:01pm

Dear Charles and Steve   So happy you are gettting settled in. I want to thank you both for the lovey arrangement you sent to Shawn's memorial.  I have so many memories of you and Larry with my kids. I remember Halloweens at your house and the beautifu pastel portrait you did of Shawn. I am finding the loss of my son far more difficult than losing Ray because Ray's quality of life was so poor whereas Shawn had just turned 40 and was happy and healthy. The shock of his passing has impacted so many, his wife, his children, his sisters and myself. 

Last nigtht Jim and I attended a church picnic and a man at our table was watching a report on his phone of a pastor who had been reported brain dead, but had miraculously began to show signs of consciousness. I exploded into tears. Shawn was always the peacemaker in our family, And without him I feel so lost.

No parent should ever have to live through the loss of a child. It feels like losing a million moments in time, every memory and event over and over again.

God Bless you both = Jenni

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 28, 2022 at 6:49pm

Dear Trina,

Thank you so much for your kind words. During the months of June through early August I didn't have access to my desktop computer, and since my cell phone is not linked to my emails I was in a sort of cyber desert, relying on Steve keeping me up to date with his laptop. I did see DJ's post to you but didn't have an easy way to add my wishes to those thoughts on the anniversary of Joseph's passing 8 years ago. Please allow me to do so now - I completely relate to your feelings of restlessness, and yes, Larry's and my anniversary always brings with it memories, some sadness, and the temptation to give in to some negative feelings about myself. I am getting better at getting around those thoughts (mostly) and we have a double frame on the living room mantle with Larry's and Mark's photos, both of them looking out the front windows at the lake. How I wish Larry was here to see all this and experience it with me - how much he would have loved being near water!!! I comfort myself with the belief that he actually is here with me, and although I can't see him I do feel his love still at unexpected moments. 

Stay well my friend, and it is so very good to hear from you!

Love, Chuck

 

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