Gay and lesbians who have lost partners


Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Members: 215
Latest Conversations: Aug 24

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Recent Loss

Started by Aaron R Gould. Last reply by John DiLorenzo Jr Aug 24. 2 Replies

On March 4th, 2021, my partner Kyle committed suicide, by shotgun to the head. I found him in his car, and have been feeling incredibly anxious and alone since then. He always struggled with mental…Continue

Lost my Partner of 5 years

Started by James James. Last reply by John Baluyut Apr 18. 3 Replies

Hello, My name is Jim.   Last month I lost my partner and best friend of 5 years unexpectedly.   The grief and sense of loss is so overwhelming,    In a single instance my life has been turned upside…Continue


Started by Tony Przybyla. Last reply by Kevin Dadouses Apr 18, 2020. 1 Reply

lost my partner of  42 yrs last may.  still hurts and this stay at home isolates even more. hard to move forward but am trying.  have been out of touch w/ gay community for last 15-20 yrs...due to…Continue

Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue

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Comment by Mark Manning on January 2, 2013 at 8:06am

Comment by Elton Young on November 12, 2012 at 10:54pm

On 25 August, 2012, my partner of 36 years passed away with cancer.  He was 56, 8 years younger than me.


On Easter Sunday of this year, we received the diagnosis that he had cancer and was already in stage 4. Shane was a registered nurse for 30 years, so both of us knew that this was very serious but inspite of that had hope that treatment would give us a bit more time.


The next 4 1/2 months were very busy with medical appoinments, radiation sessions and chemo, but his condition continued to deteriorate.  On 11 August, 2012 he was admitted to the hospital for pain management.


I was with him when he passed on at 5:30 am on 25 August.  I had been spending the nights with him.  However I was asleep at the time when he died and so wished that I had been awake for him.


Although it's been 2 1/2 months since he died, I still feel overwhelmed by the journey. 



Comment by Richard Straughn on August 10, 2012 at 8:23pm

Thank you Christopher. Well said.  My partner and I were married in Palm Springs prior to Prop 8.  I'm very happy for you.

Comment by Christopher Ruggles on August 10, 2012 at 8:13pm

Hi everyone.  It's been a while since I wrote an update, and I see we have some new members as well.  So I thought I would let everyone know what was going on with me.

Due to a strange twist of fate, I am back in Palm Springs, CA.  This was the only place that Barry and I truly felt was "home".  I expected to have some pretty major problems coming back.  As I crested the mountain and saw the valley laid out before me, all I could do was cry with happiness.  Barry, who is still with me, albeit not physically, made it quite clear that he as well, was happy to be back.  I'm VERY happy here and have actually been offered a new job, out of the blue.

I know some members have been feeling let down by the lack of activity.  It seems to come in spurts.  Please remember, we're all in the trenches of our grief and some times it's not as easy as we would like, to reach out to another who is hurting.  We'll try when we're able to pull ourselves out of our grief for a bit, and that's all we can promise.

I have talked, at length, about how our grief carries extra baggage.  From disapproving families, to the legal issues we face, etc.  These things make our grief even more difficult to bear.  When we, as GLBT people, take that first step onto the path of grief, we need someone to stand with us who understands the extra baggage.  I'm sure that is why this forum was started.  Personally, I do not check this forum as regularly as I probably should.  For that I apologize.  However, please know that I am available via email more often than not.  And to be honest, that is probably the best way to pull me out of myself so that I can help someone else who needs an ear.  topher dot ruggles@gmail dot com

Know that you are all loved and there are people who care very much for you.  Know that your loved one, though not physically with you, is still by your side ready to help you when you need it.

Comment by Richard Straughn on June 13, 2012 at 4:49pm

Not much help here.  I'm moving on to something else.  Thanks to those who have discussed and shared.

Comment by Brian Taylor on April 4, 2012 at 10:01pm
I lost my best friend and husband of 14 years, Eric, suddenly, only one week ago today. The last week has been filled with tears, pain and sadness like I have never known before. He died in our home while I desperately tried to resuscitate him. I have not been able to sleep as I relive the trauma when I close my eyes. I feel hopeless and lost.
Comment by Nancy Kennedy on April 2, 2012 at 9:08pm

I lost my partner of 28.5 years on March 3rd. She had aortic dissection, not an uncommon condition for black women, who are lean & athletic. We lived life "one day at a time," as I just retired & she was counting down until we could retire to our recently purchased house near the beach. Although some days are terribly hard, her spirit pervades me and assists me in dealing with my elderly parents who both have types of dementia and live in a well-run Seniors' facility that still necessitates familial involvement. So, "one day at a time" becomes "one second at a time." The outpouring of love for her transcended so many cultural groups which was a testament that MLK's dream can be achieved "even if the stage is but the merging of all life's contradictions!

Comment by Scott Hankins on March 26, 2012 at 3:41am
I am so sorry for everyone's loss is never easy in whatever form. I lost my finance Don June 10,2011 he was 47. He was the love of my life. He took his own life, it was such a surprise. Most of his life was spent as social worker, untill two years ago when he finished seminary  school. He worked as a pastor at the local prison. At the time of his death we lived apart. He had moved back to his native town for his children which I fully supported. The weekend before he passed his daughter finally agreed to move to AZ where I live. She had already been through so much with a terrible mom. We were so excited to be back under the same roof again. He showed no signs, we spoke daily on the phone and email. Seems like so many after suicide say why did I not see it, but I have searched every conversation for some sign I missed. His 21 year old son found him. That alone kills me to think he will now spend his entire life with that image of his dad. It should have been me to have taken that burden. Don left no note as to why. Leaving us all to wonder everyday as to why. His family allowed me to go to the services, excluding the burial (family only). I tried to find help in therapy but all they did was give me pills to take. I can not seem to get passed anger and the question why. His daughter who I am very close to has stayed in contact, his son does not seem to want anything to do with me. Don was much older than me I am only 27. My family who accepts me very well thinks since we were not living together at the time that the relationship did not exist. I am so frustrated at defending our relationship to people. Everyone just says at least he did not do it at your house. At least if he was home I could have had one last hug and kiss. I miss him so much, how do u deal with such pain?
Comment by Mike Schopp on March 16, 2012 at 10:48pm

I am a gay who has lost a dear friend.  I agree there is little gay bereavement support however, if you are available April 12-15 in Phoenix there is a truly spiritual event that has brought deep solace to those who have lost loved ones:

Comment by Rich on February 12, 2012 at 2:19pm

Karen, my deepest condolences to you, and all the poster's on this group. We are all part of club that we never wanted membership too.

 I lost my boyfriend  of 8.5 years when he died from a car accident driving to work last November.  Since we were not out to our families, or respective co-workers, it made it all the more hard to bear.  Our mutual friends knew and initially supported me, but now nearly 3 months later (with the exception of 1 friend) it's crickets.  It's like I don't even exist anymore and are bad luck.  Part of me thinks that those who are coupled saw me and know that this is what one of them will face, and can't be near me because it makes them think about what is eventually going to happen.    2 books that I read that helped me make some sense of things are:    "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" and "How to go on living when someone you love dies".  

Thanks to all of you who post here, it makes me feel like I am not going crazy. 


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