Carla:
Last February you posted asking me about my "visits" with my son Ryan. I can't remember if I posted back and darned if I can find it here. If I did not and you are still interested, please send me a message. I would be glad to share.

Diane

Please don't think it is an awful journey. It's tough, I know, but more bittersweet than awful. Remember that death is,in itself, a natural & normal process of living. That she lived, she must also pass, as we all shall. My mom passed 06 & I still grieve, but differently than the intense first year. Give yourself permission to grieve, but don't deny the process as harmful for you, don't bottle up, try to walk thru grief bravely and one day you'll wake up, 8 mts for me, & you'll feel better. It only happens that way if you deal with your grief now in a healthy way. This is a normal process and for you it must be thought of as a normal process and not harmful that you must turn off your feelings from. You must grieve to be healthy. Cry, and cry some more than watch tv, make some tea, go for a walk & be ok. This won't hurt you, thou it feels like it is, hard grieving feels so threatening! I was a hard griever but i GOT THRU IT, AS YOU WILL ALSO! take care and be OK.

hi,
I loss my dad on the 6th of jan. I received a phone call of my mum saying that your dad has died on me in bed. He was only 64. It happened so quickly, but then does it make it any easier if we have a warning?
mum went downstairs to make a drink of tea, got back into bed at the side of dad then she was complaining about the puppy being on her side, dadl stretched over mum to get the dog and then massive heart attack. I feel like a zombie it really, really hurts and you know your going through a process, a process that you can 't really make sense of

Hi,
I am sorry about your loss sweetheart. I,ve joined your site because I am struggling to make sense of it all. My dad died on the 6th January, I had a phone call on mum screaming;
"your dad's died on me in bed".

sorry carla. After reading your post I can relate with you . My father and I were the best of freinds, and he left us in the middle of the night just recently. I find times quite often were its the middle of the night and im awake breathing heavy for shortness of breathe. no sleeping without the meds, many "quite" times. Everyone else in the family seems to do good now. I dont get it though. sometimes its a minute by minute process. I'm a strong willed man and never let things get to me, or consider myself a fix it man, this cannot be fixed though. Just the realizing of it makes the pain start up. I think day by day I will cope, but losing a man in your life with such great relavence is quite hard. I see him when I look in the mirror, when i drive, work, even have his hands. I do find myself being a more compasionate man to others now, more pateince, less arguative. If you ever find away to forget the pain completely, you wouldnt be humane. It will always be there, somehow I hope just not as intense. For now its a zombie feeling, and I cant stop it. I find myself hinding from everyone during these moments so I dont get harrast. No sympathy, or hugging, I just want to bury my head. If you got past that then your a strong person. Unconditional love is a hard thing to lose. I hate it. Again I'm sorry for your loss.

I know today is hard for you and you are right the love never goes away Think of yor Dad and smile

Carla do not have the answer of where friends and family go after the funeral..... My friends all think I'm ok that is completely false. Sharp pain in the pit of my heart. Hard to believe my dad is gone. He died suddenly 1/15/2010 it had only been 12 days since I last saw him for the holidays. Told him I would be back in 18 days, we would spend 30 days together before I go to germany. We spoke on the phone the day before making plans on what we would do, we were both excited...... Came home the next day :(
it was not what I had planned. Feel cheated that we did not get the opportunity to spend that time together. Honestly who am I kidding it would never be the right time for my father to leave this earth. Always thought it would be me the one to go first. I'm the one in the military with three combat tours.
Understand your feeling and pain this is the way I feel also. Try to take one day at a time. This is what I'm trying to do. Hope it works for you.....

I wish I can wake up from this nightmare. How do you get to 2 years, I can't imagine wondering what I will do with it being 2 weeks this saturday.