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At 2:46pm on January 25, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi carolyn My son had issues with me. From what I understand he had issues with everyone. I saw him last at christmas time for a one day ski trip. I ignored him. I did not get into a fight with him. But perhaps I had my one and only opportunity to talk to him about death. and i did not I never talked to him about death. never thought it would come to tuition. But It did. I needed more time. I don't have it. Carrie L

At 2:46pm on January 25, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi carolyn My son had issues with me. From what I understand he had issues with everyone. I saw him last at christmas time for a one day ski trip. I ignored him. I did not get into a fight with him. But perhaps I had my one and only opportunity to talk to him about death. and i did not I never talked to him about death. never thought it would come to tuition. But It did. I needed more time. I don't have it. Carrie L

At 2:32pm on January 25, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi carolyn just thought I would say hi. My son was a year younger than yours and yes it too was the best day of my life and his death was the worst day of his life I am not coping that well. have so many regrets and I loved him so. you know what I mean. like the photo with the tux morgan dressed up real well also. I miss his humor and personality and love. love to you Carrie L

At 3:42pm on December 31, 2010, Phil's Mamama said…: I am so sorry about the loss of your precious son. I understand and it hurts so badly. It will be two years for us on Jan 16. I cannot believe all the Christmases I have to endure without him. Please know I am thinking of you.

Philips Mamma

Greensboro NC

Diane Dillon

At 1:20pm on December 19, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…: Hi Carolyn - I replied to your email with a long, long one of my own on Friday night, right about the time you were asking me if i had gotten your email!

At 10:05am on December 10, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…: Dear Carolyn - I read your post on Legacy, and it gave me chills. I lost my beautiful son, Tyler, at age 24 on January 26th of this year. He was also my only child. He too suffered from depression off and on, and was finally trying to stick to the meds and therapy. But he had started drinking when he wouldn't take the meds to help him through the dark spots. He finally gave up drinking on January 1st of this year because his girlfriend begged him to. Unfortunately, as I am learning now, his addiction required him to go elsewhere for a high. He didn't hang out with people who did drugs, so he tried huffing computer duster because it was legal to purchase, readily available, and apparently gave you an incredible high. This began on Jan 7th. We got him into outpatient therapy immediately, but on Jan 26th I found him dead in the bathroom in work (we worked in the same office) with a can of duster next to him. I feel exactly as you do. I gave all of myself to my son for 24 years, probably too much, and now there is no reason for my life. My husband, too, has been wonderful, but he cannot bring Tyler back. And that is all I really want. What purpose could there be in remaining on this earth for years and years when my reason for being is gone? I would love to hear back from you. You are just a few months ahead of me on this trail of tears. And one of the few I have found who have lost an only child. My email address is jbjoey@aol.com if you wish to contact me directly. I will keep you both in my prayers.

JoAnn

Always Tyler's Mom

At 1:33pm on December 6, 2010, Lee Brunson said…: I lost my 26 year old son, Ryan last December 2, so my pain is still raw like yours. My daughter wanted to decorate this year, I didn't, but I gave in for her three year old who doesn't understand all of this - why her Unkie Ryan isn't here. I have a crystal tea light holder in the shape of a cross that I light every night. It sits in front of his picture. It's all I can do to hold on to him.

At 10:43am on December 6, 2010, Kathie G. said…: Bless you my dear. I pray that we will somehow find meaning out of these tragedies, and am still searching for whatever it is that will help lessen the pain. Take care of yourself, your health and those who love you, it is all we have left.

At 9:33pm on December 5, 2010, Kathie G. said…: Hi Carolyn, I too lost my son (he was 23) on October 15, but the year was 2008. He was struck by a car while crossing the highway. I was not there, but I understand he was drinking quite a bit. He too was the joy of my life and for whatever reasons he struggled with marajuana and alcohol use. He was always a sweet and gentle soul (and handsome like your Max), and like you, my life is forever changed. I always feared his actions would catch up with him before he matured, then my nightmares were realized. Now I go through the motions and am able to work and live day to day, but there will forever be a veil over everything, especially the holidays. I have one other child, a daughter who is in college, and she has suffered from losing her brother as well. I am divorced so am truly alone now for the first time, which gives me more time to think about my son. In some ways it seems a long time and in others only yesterday. My heart truly goes out to you and I only hope we can find some peace and joy over the holidays and as time goes on. Just curious, was you son born in 1985 and if so, what was his birthday? Geoff's was August 20th. Kathie

At 7:26pm on December 5, 2010, Terri Kuta said…: Carolyn this will be my first christmas without my son he was killed in a head on collision on november 19th i can't even think about putting up a tree or anything else i have 3 older children and they are all on their own so im just going over to our oldest daughters house, we went to the mall today and i just couldn't do it i lost my father in august and had a clock with engraving on the song and his name that each of my children picked out for his funeral but what do i do with my sons clock he never saw this was to be a christmas present to all his grandchildren one last time. I understand whre you are coming from with the christmas how can we celebrate with such sadness in our ives