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My husband was killed in a tractor trailer and car wreck on October 21, 2010. That is a day I will never forget. He was comming home after being gone a week. He was ninety miles from home and one and a half miles from his last delivery. On a two lane curvy road, he came around a curve and there was an 74 year old woman in his lane, she hit him head on and slamed into his fuel tank causing the truck to exploded, the treated lumber he was delivering cought on fir the truck burned for three hours before they could get my husband out. The woman died also. I had just gotten home from work and was alone when a friend called and told me, that was on Thursday, it was

friday evening before they could identify him and offically notify me. That was the worst day of my life. I miss my husband and best friend so much it hurts, I feel so lost without him. He was what made me whole. I am missing part of me.....I love and miss you Gene........

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At 8:38pm on February 29, 2012, Christy said…: Cynthia, you have been on my heart today & in my prayers. I got your messg. the other night on my regular email, but haven't had a moment to get back in touch until now. We have alot in common. Gene sounds like a very sweet, funny man. I know how you feel about him and not wanting to even think about someone else.

Some times I think it would be awful to live the rest of my life alone, but I really am not ready to consider anyone else & believe I will be better off on my own. I have several aunts, a grandmother & a great grandmother who all lived many years as independant women & seemed quite content. I've had a few men show interest & it just makes me sick/mad. Weird, but true. I think why is this scuz here but not Larry?- really God, is this what you want for me? Of course that is not what God wants for us but I'm 1/2 crazy now & have lots of odd thoughts & responses that I would never have had before. I say all this because I know other widows have felt this way too & when they told me, it made me feel better about myself. I hope me sharing my whack feelings helps you feel better about you. Maybe you'll think "Hey, at least I'm not as messed up as Christy!" ;-)

On a good note let me share my excitement: I just got the acceptance letter from the IRS saying our nonprofit rec'vd tax exemption status! Praise God- Hip hip hooray! This is the best news I've had since I don't know when. Hopefully now people & businesses will be willing to donate $ to help us operate.

I'm sorry this is so long, but it may be awhile before we talk again & I have so much I need to get out as I'm sure you do to. PLEASE write to me anytime to vent or share, or whatever. Take good care of yourself. I do hope we can meet in person someday.

Hugs~ Christy

At 2:53pm on February 24, 2012, Christy said…: Cynthia,

Hi- it's been a long time, but I wanted to check in and say 'hello.' I hope you are staying busy and adjusting. Everyone here seems to be progressing at very different rates now, although there was a time when many of us seemed to be in the same dreadful boat. One friend, Kathy, is engaged now- it's been right at 2 yrs since her husband passed. Another,Linda, like me, still has not put away her husband's things. My heart still hurts and I still cry at some point most days for any number of reasons because Larry is gone. It still seems surreal to me 1 and half yrs later, but I am o.k.

I wish you well. Hugs, Christy

At 10:28am on August 16, 2011, Christy said…: Thanks Cynthia for your comments & prayers. Good luck w/ your kitchen. I have had paint swatches on my bedrm wall for over a yr. now where we were planning to paint on Labor Day weekend & trying to decide on a color. It looks awful, but haven't been able to make myself do the neccessary prep work which would mean moving (disturbing) Larry's things piled here & there in the rm. That's the hard part. I kind of started last night simply because my daughter needed to swap dressers with me. I broke down at 1 pnt. & had to leave & go for a ride- get away for a bit, before finishing it. Being a widow is so much harder (emotionally, financially & every kind of way) than anyone would guess. I think of you & say a prayer more than you would guess. Take care. Hugs~ Christy

At 12:11pm on July 26, 2011, Christy said…: Hello Cynthia,

I hope you are finding ways to relax & enjoy some of your summer. I know you are still fighting your way through grief & loss, but with family, friends & God above all, we will be o.k.

I have been praying for you~ HUGS, Christy

At 7:01am on May 25, 2011, Christy said…: Hello Cynthia,

I haven't seen a post from you in a while & wanted you to know I think of you & say a prayer. I hope you are doing well. I have faced some rough spots recently but I'm hanging in & trudging forward. Please let me know when you head this way. My cell # (770) 633-5661. Hugs, Christy

At 6:45pm on April 22, 2011, Lanne Kowal said…: Oh Cynthia ...... I feel for you ..... I too lost my husband in a tragic accident. He was killed when someone ran him off the road on his motorcycle. I, too, wasn't notified until the next day either. Larry was killed in the early morning hours of June 15, 2010. He was going from one ER to another to see a patient, but never made it there, instead someone ran him off the road and left him for dead. My husband, too, was on a curve and someone not paying attention came into his path of travel and when he swerved to avoid being hit head on, his tailpipe hit the curb and he was thrown from the bike and hit a wall face first. He was killed instantly. I know when I went to the site, it was horrible. I found pieces of his broken eye wear, pieces of the lights from the bike, stones with blood on them ... I even found hair of his that was ripped out of his head. My husband was my best friend also, and he was what completed me as well. I miss him terribly and often wonder how I am going to keep going on in such a lost state. It has been 10 months and I am still as lost now as I was on June 16,2010. The day I was notified. Wow..... I just noticed the date for your husband. October 21, 2010. My husband and I were married on October 21,2000 and had he not been killed we would have celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary that day. I love and miss him trememdously and always will. I don't know what I can say that will ease your pain, but I can tell you that you are not alone and I am here if you need to talk...... Lanne

At 8:19am on April 22, 2011, Christy said…: Cynthia, I'm sorry you (we) have to go through this. All I can do is say a prayer that God will give us peace over all the sorrow & pain we have. I agree it seems so unfair that bad, or really sick, or really old people are still here but our good, healthy & young husbands are gone. I try not to think about it. Instead, I am thankful for the promise Easter brings of everlasting life. That is my belief & without it I have no hope of making it through each day. Yesterday was the first time in almost 8 months that I went all day without crying- or if I did cry it was so brief I don't remember. I cry so much it's hard to believe I might have gone through 1 whole day without tears. It's not easy but try to stay focused on good things & let go of the rest because it can destroy us. Today is Good Friday~ I hope you find comfort this Easter weekend. Hugs & best wishes~ Christy

At 8:17pm on April 21, 2011, Sheryl McCormick said…: I just read your post that you went to the accident scene today. That must have been so hard! I cannot belive you found a shirt of his - that is really something. I know that finding things that remind us of them (our spouses) can be bittersweet.

I have to drive past the accident scene of my husband almost every day.... I try to block it out when I come upon that area and pray. I also am so confused on how this accident could have happened and cannot bear the thought that he had to suffer in pain. I know you must feel that same pain. My heart and prayers continue to go with you.

Sheryl

At 6:21am on April 21, 2011, Christy said…: Cynthia,

I'm praying for you & your in laws today~

Peace & Hugs,

Christy

At 7:56am on April 20, 2011, Christy said…: I understand. When I say I'm getting used to it, I mean things that most people do, like drive to work alone, is something I haven't done much in the past 7 years so it takes getting used to. I have gone about 1 week now of driving into work without crying so hard I can barely see & it's been over 7 months now! I certainly miss Larry every moment all day long still, so while I am getting used to him not being by my side I miss him more & more.

I'm glad you are not going alone & that you can place the plaque & cross there. I wanted to do something like that but was not allowed & it really hurts. As for the woman that caused the wreck, didn't she die also? I know how you feel about her causing Gene's death because others are to blame for Larry's death also, but I find a small bit of comfort in knowing it wasn't done deliberatly- it was stupid, neglectful & avoidable, but at least it wasn't done on purpose. Last wk. at church our pastor said God requires us to forgive others as we wish to be forgiven and that He will never ask us to forgive others more than He forgives us. That's something to consider.

It's good you went to Disney but I'm sorry to hear you didn't enjoy it. I haven't experienced any guilt, but maybe that's because I haven't really enjoyed anything. You know Gene would want you to enjoy your life while you can. I just think none of us know if we will make it through the day so I try (not easy) to relax & let people know I love them & care about them & try to do a little something each day I want to do whether it's watch a movie with my son, or visit afriend... I don't want to waste the time I have been given.

Hang in there~ we will be alright if we don't give up :-)

Hugs,

Christy