I don't know how to explain this, but I will try my best. The source of my mental problems died onFebruary the 4th of this year. And what I am feeling is a range of emotions: anger glad closure, forgiveness, and so many more. I said I would not ever cry if he was to pass away, but when some of my children, grandmother, and even my mother I love dearly I wanted to go with them but, when it came to my dad I did not have that desire nor the thought of commiting suside.  I am a christian but I am battling with the christian part and the mental illness, why you ask I was molested by him, child abused by him never was I treated fairly like my brother (s), never taken to docctors and the reason for so many health problems, had to eat restraunt pot of whatever was made till it was gone! And to be told by your dad "I wish you were never born!" So my mind is totally confused and I am numb to his death.