Estella, My heart goes out to you, loosing a husband is so hard because you have lost 1/2 of your self. I have been going to grief share at our church and I don't know how I surived before going. In 1998 I lost my husband and it took me a while to get back to life, I was in auto pilot for the sake of my 10 year old daughter.In time you will get back to life but you will never completely be the same. When you cut a leg, or arm you can get a prosthetic and learn to function. That is what you will do one day but the mountains and the valleys will still come and go even now 14 years later. I will say one thing that I have learned through grief share and that is you are not CRAZY every person griefs differently. I suffered a lot of memory loss after the loss of my baby sister in 12-30-11 this one was the worst of all my losses. Patti was (pictured) only 39 and left behind 7 and 10 year old. We never saw it coming and the 2 day after Christmas I could not recall, I just remembered the day we all went to the hospital. I couldn't leave the house for the next 3 months except to church and I looked like a train wreck, sunken eyes, no make-up, I wasn't sleeping and I cryed my make-up off. The only thing that is getting me through this is the bible and my church. On Sundays I go to AM and PM services and Tuesday's my church has a Christians in recovery (AA, drugs, depression, managing anger) than on Wednesdays worships. The Christians in recovery is awesome because it so spiritual last night we talked about being carnial/sinful and humility/spiritual and why we need this in our lives. Please remember Jesus loves you and has a plan for all of us including you husband. I have lost several members of my family but I know that they are secured, they are now part of Gods plan and they were only a small piece of giant puzzle. One day we will all be together and all our surrows will have been a distant memory when we get to Gods kingdom. We all can't leave together but we will all be at the same place one day. My Rx for you is read your bible. Since my brain is not completely processing yet, I read my 7 year old's child bible to understand it better. God bless you and I will pray for you.