JJ,   I am so sorry for your loss and you now having to join us on the roller coaster ride called grief.  My husband had lung Cancer and he survived  for 17 months from diagnosis to his passing and I have come to the conclusion there is NO GOOD WAY TO DIE IF YOU ARE THE SURVIVOR.   It hurts no matter what, our souls are torn from us,  we live in a fog and we look for a new normal an adjustment to figure it all out.  Take your time, it truly is a baby step process.  Hugs, Jane P