Jan

Buy yourself a valentine card from you to your husband.   I have been doing that for Christmas, birthdays and valentines day for four years now.   May not help but it can't hurt can it?

Helen

You are welcome Jan.  I had many issues to deal with too.  I was feeling extremely guilty one day and couldn't stop crying.  I opened up a book by Earl Grollman titled Living when a loved one has died.

I found the passage on guilt, and at the end it said

Awise member of the clergy once said, "I believe that God forgives you. 

The question is: Will you forgive yourself?"   I read the whole thing several times, and that last part stuck with me.  I was creating the guilt, and could not forgive myself.  Once I accepted that, my guilt got less.  It didn't disappear, but it wasn't so intense. 

You need to forgive yourself for having made the right decisions at a time when the last thing we want is to have to decide anything!

Hugs to you Jan.  Keep taking baby steps, let the tears fall, and let the wound in your soul heal. 

Hi Jan,

I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to join our group. It is a great group to join and they are always here to help us. I lost my husband on 8-1-12 to Pancreatic Cancer. He survived 1 year after his diagnosis. There is a mix of ages and we have both widows and widowers. But as I said they are all wonderful. And just reading the blogs will help you, on the days you do not want to chat.

You need to click on the Bereaved Spouses group and you can read all of our comments. You can also introduce yourself and join in the conversations whenever you choose. The top of the page is where you leave your comments. Let me know if you have any other problems.