My sweet son John
My son was 17 when he passed. He had kidney and bladder problems all his life. He was always in and out of the hospital for infections. he was stable and did not need a transplant yet. That would not have been for years. he started smoking cigerettes and weed. I was always grounding him for that it seemed to do no good. The last week he was alive we had a few fights about him skipping school and smoking weed. i wanted better for him. he went to school one day and when he came home he said he wanted to go to sleep. he did this often when he did not feel good but he never said he was sick. So I thought maybe he stayed up to late the night before. I went in to talk to him that night and he had a hard time waking up to talk to me. So I let him sleep. I had a feeling something was wrong with him but did nothing about it. I feel really guilty for this. I dont think he did it on purpose. he had such a love of life. He was great with kids specially his little brother. He could make me laugh even when i was mad at him. I miss him so much it hurts. I have days where i dont want to do anything or get out of bed but i do becuase i have 2 other boys i have to take care of. John was such a great person he just feel prey to peer pressure. I wish I could go back in time and take him to the hospital. I am going to a thrapist to help me cope but it doesnt last long.
if anyone wants to look me up on facebook or myspace i get on facebook often and will im if you want to. just look for Jenny Ruselowski I think i am the only one.