I'm very sorry to hear that you lost someone so close to you. Death in general is hard to accept but when it's someone's close it's even more unreal. Death cause so much pain, it cant's be natural, or what God purposed.He promises us a time when they will be no more pain and suffering and even death. I don't believe when the pastor ask you to pray and you decline that that caused the death of your friends.God iisn't cruel, and that would have been really cruel to punish you that way. the bible says Far be it from the [true] God* to act wickedly,+And the Almighty to act unjustly!+. He loves all of us and whatever we're going thru he help us get thru it. wish you the best