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Loss of a Child

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On December 28, 2008 my oldest son was killed in an automobile accident. In many respects, time stood still for me that day. He is on my mind constantly and I miss him so much. Having just turned twenty, he was at the stage where he was deciding what to do with his life. He wanted to teach, write and coach volleyball, and he would've been so great at each of them. He could really relate to young people and instinctively knew how to explain and demonstrate things so they could understand. My daughter went to him before anyone else in the family when she needed help with schoolwork (or anything else for that matter). He also had a unique writing ability, and I treasure many of his writings now as I can still hear his voice in his words. His death has left a huge hole in our family, a hole that can never be filled.
Our feelings of grief are compounded by events in the aftermath of the accident. The driver of the car, who had been drinking and speeding, has denied driving saying there was an unknown third person involved. It has been twenty and 1/2 months and the case still has not gone to trial. It is completely unconscionable for this person to not accept responsibility, and it only adds to our heartache.

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At 7:15pm on July 9, 2011, Gerry Fiden said…: My Dear Friend Judy,

I hope this finds you well and in a better place.

We received news the other day that Robert Jones accepted a plea deal.

Sentencing will be on July 28th. I have mixed feelings about the deal. He had a choice of 15 years in prison and 10 probation or 10 in prison and 15 probation. He choose the later of the two. It was noted if he so much as crosses the street wrong he is back in prison to serve the term.

I will rest easier after I hear the judge say the words and he is behind bars.

We wil be able to face him and tell him how we feel. This will be the second hardest thing I will have to do..the first was burying my son.

Let me know how yoiu are ...you are as always in my prayers.

Gerry

At 11:58pm on April 9, 2011, Bethany said…: Hello Judy, I have to tell you Compassionate friends is a support group specifically for grieving parents. It is an emotional group, while we are grieving our own children, I listen to the stories of their children and I cant help but grieve for them too. The stories and pain are so intense, how can I not go and support them in their time of grieving as well. It feels very strangly comforting in a way knowing I am not the only person who has lost a child....but I feel that I bring a possitive to the group. I deeply believe in my Lord and the Trinity. I always try to add this to my sharing during the group. It is not religiously based, but I feel maybe others may feel as though their children have made there way into Gods arms. I also like to pray for each and every child and family as I listen to there stories. I pray for peace and Goids love to ascend on them all....as I do for the ppl of this website and our children... God Bless you and peace to your family

At 12:29am on April 9, 2011, Bethany said…: Hello Judy,

Is'nt t funny how so many of us feel our children? I think of an invisible umbilical cord that connects our spirits. We will always be connected to our wonderful children. I used to scratch Marks back too. He loved it. Mamas boy for sure! Somedays I feel angry, I was venting my anger....Somedays I just miss him and am sad...I slip in and out of depressions. I never ever experienced depression until now.... It does not leave. Some days are worse than others.. I find though I do not wish to keep the same company. My tatse in friends has changed. I want fellowship with others who are on same level as I am. Losing a child puts us in a different pace, category, frame of mind. And only others like us can understand this.. Thank you for you kind words... Peace be with you , and Gods blessings upon your family..

Bethany

At 6:23pm on April 8, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi Judy Yes i guess i am alive that is about all. IT is haunting and very disturbing and most of all very very sad. where do you live we are in KY it is very lonely. I am very sad had a major break down a few days ago he asked what was wrong i didn't even answer... it is horrendous i am so sorry for our loss... our beautiful boys forever. love to you carrie

At 9:08am on December 19, 2010, Carrie L said…: Judy thanks for writing I believe you are right whether that choice will end living for us or the choice to go on. there are some people like yourself who it has been a few years and still the grief and sadness are horific just like mine the constant what ifs whishes.... wants... there is so much to say but yet not much to say either. how can we change this we cannot. but somehow just the sadness shared helps a tiny bit. Carrie L

At 5:46pm on December 14, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi judy thanks for writing this site is of some help but i don't feel like people write back a lot of times. it is sad to read all the stories and some don't have stories or they have been deleted.. but you know why we all are here. as we approach your bad and good dates i wish you peace and love like the christmas songs... i feel for all of us and wish none of us could feel this pain. it is not a good thing but it has happened to us and our children. my friend told me if i think that i am going to be sad forever i will be and i agree but he has no idea what i am going through that is why this site is so nice we know all of us has that idea what the rest of us are going through. love to you and your family happy holidays as happy as possible without our beautiful sons... love to us and to them they deserved more time. and so did we.. carrie L

At 7:45am on December 7, 2010, Carrie L said…: Judy hello i am here with you sorry for both of us. don't have a lot to say this morning but the thoughts are there all the time and my life is at a standstill also. i was having my own problems before this happened and do feel a lot of guilt. i think it is normal for we think we have forever. take care thinking of all of us and our beautiful children. wish we had a memorial. wondering what to do on the anniversary. i am thinking going to church then to his best friends.. i really don't want to believe it but it is true carrie alL

At 7:30am on December 7, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi Judy just wanted you to know another of us is here. I am on this site and my friend asked is that helping you. and i cry. they haven't a clue as to how we feel. and yes it helps it is constructive grieving. if there is such a thing of course it hurts to write and to read but it is not blank like all our other grieving when we see all the people who remind us of our loved one. constantly. this is concrete.. we have lost our loved one here and we feel this horrific pain and all the thoughts our mind takes us to.. well i want you to know you are not alone and i feel not alone here. but very alone elsewhere... carrie L

At 6:48pm on November 1, 2010, Lisa Halsey said…: It will be Nov. 16th it will be 2yrs since he has been gone. And I know i will be very hard for me and my family. my family is in CA so they R not here my inlaws feel like i should get over it my husband and i went off on them and i said when u lose a child then U can tell me something see my boys are their step grandchildren i said if you lost your real granchildren they have 2 it would be a whole differint story i see were we stand. They also told me that every time i go to Daniels grave he not there he is every where i said i don't care he doesn't even have a headstone yet i also told them i should of shiped him off to CA with his real family is mine so i have no more resect for them at all my husband is on my side to my husband those are his kids. so we have been fighting with them for the last 2 yrs I know my son is angry at them for saying these things to us I just want to cry because my son was always there for them thanks for listing to me lets keep in touch Lisa Daniels mom here what my beautiful son looks like

At 6:48pm on November 1, 2010, Lisa Halsey said…: It will be Nov. 16th it will be 2yrs since he has been gone. And I know i will be very hard for me and my family. my family is in CA so they R not here my inlaws feel like i should get over it my husband and i went off on them and i said when u lose a child then U can tell me something see my boys are their step grandchildren i said if you lost your real granchildren they have 2 it would be a whole differint story i see were we stand. They also told me that every time i go to Daniels grave he not there he is every where i said i don't care he doesn't even have a headstone yet i also told them i should of shiped him off to CA with his real family is mine so i have no more resect for them at all my husband is on my side to my husband those are his kids. so we have been fighting with them for the last 2 yrs I know my son is angry at them for saying these things to us I just want to cry because my son was always there for them thanks for listing to me lets keep in touch Lisa Daniels mom here what my beautiful son looks like