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It's been 26 days since my precious girl was taken from me. Some days are just unbelievably painful that I wonder if I'm going to make it. All I can do is cry for her. My husband took me by the accident site Monday and there was a beautiful memorial on the side of the road. I still can't believe she's not here and that I'm never going to see that smiling face again. I feel like I lost everything on that tragic day. My hopes and dreams for the future. Seeing her get married to the love of her life and being there when she had her first baby. I can't get these thoughts out of my head and then there is nighttime where my thoughts drift to the accident. It's still there, the visions in my head of the accident. Waiting for some sort of sign from her to let me know that she is ok and that she didn't suffer. The police report says that she died at the scene at 8:38 AM but reported the accident happened at 8:24. That's 14 minutes. What was she thinking during those last few minutes. Was she hurt, was she scared. Was she calling out for me. This is killing me and I don't know how to handle it or move on.

I'm trying so hard not be angry or upset at the other driver for his carelessness that took her life along with his own. I just can't help it. Was being a few minutes late to work worth my daughters life?

Julie Patton's Blog

I miss you so much baby girl

Posted on November 17, 2010 at 1:33pm 1 Comment 0 Likes

I'm trying so hard to be strong so that I don't worry people. Most of the time I manage to hide the tears until I'm alone and then I fall apart. I don't know how to live my life without you. Thinking about the holidays coming up, knowing that this was your favorite time of year. We had such big plans this year and I know you were so excited about them and now it just seems so empty thinking about them without you. Everyone is still planning on coming to GA to spend the holidays here with us…

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At 11:31am on May 17, 2011, Chelle said…: Dear Miss Julie, I am a neighbor of yours here in Braselton GA. My deepest condolences for you!!! Your daughter is beautiful. The accidents in this state are rampant. I got a knot in my throat when I read your experience- I was just in a terrible accident myself, due to someones carelessness the carelessness of people these days is worsening. I am so sorry to hear your daughters story, especially so close to home. Again my condolences and prayers. Ecclesiastes 9:11 "time and unforeseen occurrence befall us all" such a sad reality. Thankfully we are promised to see our loved ones again!

Take care Miss Julie

At 9:35am on March 3, 2011, Vickie Bruggeman said…: Julie , Im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter , I understand what you are going though , every passing day gets harder , I too have to fight back the tears as I go about my day , then when all alone at nite is when I break down and cry myself to sleep then wake up in tears. Im sure your daughter will leave you a sign she is with you and is ok. Jarrett has left us many of signs so unbelieveable how strong his spirt is. My prayers are with you.

At 10:20pm on January 11, 2011, Anita Chavez-Daveys mom said…: Julie, WHERE ARE YOU? I am so worried about you. I haven't heard from you since Christmas. I hope all is well (as it can be). Let me know how you are. I pray for you everynight.

At 4:05pm on January 1, 2011, Colleen Pasay said…: You mentioned that you were at a gas pump and thought she was playing tricks on you. I stopped at a consignment store they sell items from the season and had a whole wall of Christmas ornaments and I was drawn to the angel ornaments. A lady approached me and asked me if I bought things from the store and if I did I had to "Remove the negative energy" " light a tea light and run your hand over it and say Bad energy be gone...." I told her she was scaring me and laughed. She gave me her card and said that she worked at an engineering company around the corner and something made her come over there. All of a sudden she started flinching her eyes really hard and rapidly and her upper body started jerking she looked like she was having a petite mall seizure. But in the next second she looked at me and said “Is there a man in his 30's?" My heart stopped and I asked her why she asked me that... I goggled her when I got home her firm was a Pipeline engineering firm that my son was required to take his courses. I was never a believer unless I could touch it or understand it . Her card read Onthewingsofangels I actually felt him that whole weekend both his sadness in the loss of his leaving behind his beloved kids and I felt his heartbreak and sorrow as I stood holding a sweater of his to my chest. I went to his grave that weekend and I actually heard his laughter at me for putting so much stuff on his grave. He was not a foo foo person and I had placed a wreath and tree..his grave was already covered in flowers and gifts. I truly heard him laughing and he asked me what I was doing and I spoke out loud and laughed telling him that this was what people were supposed to do. Am I a believer? How can I not be? Why is it this complete stranger comes up to me and asks if there is a man in his 30's? So Julie your beautiful daughter very well could have be playing with the gas pumps. Take it as a sign that she is with you. My thoughts to you

At 3:30pm on January 1, 2011, Colleen Pasay said…: Dear Julie

My heart goes out to you. I came across the picture of your beautiful child as I was searching for a picture I had seen previously of a girl letting go of balloons and superimposed over the girls' head was the ladies son face. She had never taken a picture of him with her new camera yet he appeared in the picture.I had seen it a few days ago and was trying to find it again when the picture of your beautiful girl appeared. Julie I read your blog and it touched my heart as you spoke of those last 14 minutes.. did she hurt.. what was she thinking? I too lost my son this past summer in a head on collision. It took hours for them to get him from the rural site to a hospital 5 hours away. He worked as a consultant in the oil fields and this happened in a very small town. I flew in with family and friends from where I live and was able to be with him. Julie what has eaten me alive for months now is the what if's,... Did he suffer? I had asked the medical examiner... my answer was ...If it helps he did try to swerve. Like you I had to see the accident site and a month later my 17 year old daughter and I drove 10 hours to place a cross on the site. He was on life support for 2 days. I have now learnt to "shut my mind down" when the thoughts of his last moments appear. It rips the inside of me open and I the tears flow. I can only tell myself that he is gone, it is over he can't suffer. It does NOT take away any of the pain it is still so fresh. It just helps me cope and cope we must.

Hugs Colleen

At 12:37pm on December 19, 2010, Terri Kuta said…: Julie:

Please try not to be upset at your friend, at my first grief counseling group they all talked about how their friends just walked away, but it's them not knowig how you would feel about seeing their daughter alive while yours is gone, I have had alot of my friends who have children my son's age i haven't heard from since the funeral I know they just don't know what to say, after awhile i will get back in contact with them but right now i couldn't go. Good luck with the holidays and you are in my prayers

Jonathan's mom

At 12:55am on December 19, 2010, Melissa Asher said…: Samantha was 18, enrolled into collage, a model, and going to be a cop, and she was a published poet.

Samantha slip in the bathtub and drowned, she bump her head, we were getting ready to go shopping for my nephew, i was in the bathroom and i got a phone call i was only gone 10 minutes she complete light blue from head to toe, she was dead, I yanked her out no pluse called 911 and her friend came over right after I brought her back the water came out, but it is not like the movies she just stared at me with the color of her blue eyes faded, i did not stop till EMT got there, they air lifted her, she was brain dead, she lived 3 days and had a heart attack, they said if she had one more she would die, and they would not be able to use her organs, she wanted to be an organ donor, she donated blood all the time, so I told them to take her off the machine but if she shows any improment to put her back on, time they got her surgery she had another heart attack they could only use her kindeys she save a pastor wow how may souls did her kindey save it is amazing and a father of three,, she lost her father, and I know she did not want those children to go thru what she did, she is my hero was and is my best friend, i miss her dearly she would be 21, my father killed himself on x mas so she would set up the tree, then we would decorated, she would but christmas songs on and we would sing them together.

I just go thru the motion, my step children put the tree up, i just got married, if it was not for my husband and GOD i would have lost it by now.

thanks for writing me, try to take moment by moment it is so hard at first, and the pain i am sorry does not go away, but you learn to deal, it is very hard around holidays but we are here for each other, hugs

At 3:42pm on December 18, 2010, Melissa Asher said…: Your daughter is beautiful, I know it very hard around the holidays, I just wanted to thank you for the angel watching over us, that was very nice of you. I miss Samantha it has been 3 years and today I don't know what to with my self, I am most of the time I am, guess I am angry again or depressed i don't know wich, I thought I was over that, guess not, any way try to make all the memories positive, as hard as they may be, I should talk as tears roll down my cheek, try to have a Merry Christmas I am going to try, or sleep through it I did that the first year. guess I not too positive today I am sorry, thanks again for the angel. melissa

At 10:40am on December 7, 2010, Terri Kuta said…: Hi Julie:
Like your daughter my son was killed in a accident although it was ruled as his fault he was 25 feet from his turn lane where he turned onto our street what they think happened is they are widing the main street to 4 lanes and there use to be a middle lane they removed it like a week befoe he died but either way he went headon with another driver my son was 17 and was to graduate in May the other driver is ok he had a bad heart and when he heard about jonathan dying he had another heart attack at the hospital but at least he is alright, like you we will never se our children get married or have children this was my only child with my husband i have another one duaghter and 2 step children but my babys legacy died on november 19th, I don't know why the good have to die some times i do good but like you other times i feel like im falling apart my husband is going back to work tongith this will be the first time im alone at night and i don't know how im going to handle that it has been jonathan and myself here at night alone for awhile and that was our time together god how im going to miss that

At 11:51am on December 5, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi Julie your daughter is beautiful. I am in the same situation I used to say sorry but it seems sensless. It is true but hard to believe.I don't know what to say... her picture is so beautiful. as are the photos of my son having fun with his friends. i still don't believe it he pops into my mind then the problem pops in... you know what I mean. we all do... I wish we were all close together so we could encourage eachother. there are some poems out there. one about the dash... the dash inbetween birth and __ .. yes it is a hard word. but it was cute in saying that the dash was what was important... love to you as i ball up with tears about my sons dash.. and wanting it to be longer.. love to you carrie L