I guess our families are living proof the depression is passed on. My mother and I both tried in the past to commit suicide, but failed. I am only grateful that my mother had already passed of natural causes before my daughter died. It would have killed her to see her granddaughter commit suicide. I also feel my mother was there to welcome her with open arms.

Good luck on the job Karen. It is n't easy at our age. In spite of what they say, there is still "age" biases out there, especially if you need a full time, with benefits. i am back to work only because of a problem with my current husband, but only work pt and I really don't need benifits. I will get medicare in Feb,  I find that for non believers, it is easier for them.  And it really shouldn't be but they just sort of put that person out of their lives.  I know my ex son in law used to tell Marlene that they weren't going to see Robert anymore, that he was dead and he was going to go on with his life.  That really hurt her.  Because she knows (knew) that she would be with Robert I think if her ex could have been a husband instead of an ^&*( she would have been ok.  I believe that in his way, he had a part in her death.  In fact I know he did.  But the police tell me that even if you hold the gun, put the rope around their neck, or in any way help that person, if they pull the trigger, jump off the ladder, or drink the water to wash down pills, they are not guilty of anything.  I questioned the police dept and brought up Dr Korvorkian (spelling?) but their answer was "that is different".  But I know in my heart that my ex son in law and his sister "hung" her just as sure as I know my own name.  It is just getting someone to listen and investigate.  They both had a lot to gain from her death.  His sister's boyfriend was trying to bed Marlene and she found out and I have heard raised a holy rucas and made Marlene's life hell after that.  But marlene didn't have time to change any of her documents i.e. her will which included this person.   She had confided in another friend that she was going to do that.  BTW, Robert marlene's son died in 2008 from a grand maul (spelling) siezure in the middle of the nite.  He was her only child.  Her husband refused to have another child and eventually Marlene couldn't have any more anyway. 

Hi Karen, You have definitely been through a lot. I lost my daughter on 8/9/99. It becomes easier to bear, but never stops. For the longest time I could not attend other funerals without breaking down. I still break down crying when ever I hear the song "In the Arms of an Angel"

Hi Karen.  Do you think this may be part of the grieving process....maybe the denial part.   There are just so many emotions that run through our minds at this time.  I think there are days that I don't "think" about Marlene at all, and then there are days that she is  on my mind constantly.  A song will trigger either or all of the emotions.  I just try to keep everything positive and everytime I look at a living "thing" that God has made, I know that she is enjoying everything with Him.  I miss her funny little laugh that she had especially when I would call her with some stupid idea or thing that had happened.  And if I get really down, i go look at the shamrock plant that came from her funeral and see ALL the blossoms.  I know they are her because I never had nor will have green thumb, but that plant just keeps on blossoming.  Unfortunately we will never be rid of any the emotions that we are going through.  They will just get more bearable.  Keep the faith and hold tight to their memories and remember all the good things of the years we had them.