Hi Kathie,

Thanks for requesting me for a friend.  I wish it was under different circumstances.

I'm sorry about the loss of your son. Your son is so handsome and has such caring eyes. I'm just so sorry for your loss.

I'm also from the St. Louis area.  My daughter was living with my niece near the Hill and going to school at Webster University. She died on December 6, 2010.  It's so hard to even type that sentence because there are days that it doesn't seem real.

Anyway, drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.

Terri

Hi Kathie I haven't written to you yet but noticed how you asked when Max was born in 1985 and my morgan was born in 1986 His accident was so avoidable as I guess a lot are. love to you Carrie L

Thank you Kathy. You are right. I wish kids could understand how their risky behavior can hurt their parents. They feel they are invicible and it just isn't so. You have some good ideas for memorials. We purchased a paver at Busch Stadium  - she loved the Cardinals. It is in the baseball behind the Stan Musial statue. We also had a tree planted in a dog park here in Springfield. It has a plaque with her name. She was also cremated and her husband gave us half in a very pretty pink urn. It sits on top of my china cabinet with some pictures of her and a couple of angel figurines. Our dog died in September and we have his ashes there too. To me, it is creepy having her ashes - I would prefer to have a grave to visit. Your son looks like a very handsome and well liked young man. His smile makes me want to smile and get to know him. He looks like a good person. My two oldest children were two very passionate, headstrong people who were in and out out of trouble frequently. They both gave us a difficult time but after they matured, you couldn't find two more loving, compassionate kids. I have hit another "bad spell". I have been able to push my grief away since last November but it hit me again last Sunday. My husband was very depressed the week before and I think he wore me down or maybe it was just time.  To make it worse, my son-in-law brought me 8 boxes of Emily's clothes, her golf clubs, and class ring yesterday. I wanted her clothes. I would like to make a quilt out of them or maybe have one made. It was just bad timing. My son-in-law has had a terrible time.  They were very happy. He is feeling better and  is moving back home and starting a new job on Monday. We try to stay in contact with him. His own family has not been very helpful.

 I feel so miserable. I hope I am not depressing you. It helps me a little to get some of this out.

 

 

 

I know. It is so hard to believe that they are gone. It hurts. Sometimes it is like taking a bullet. The pain is always there. The intensity comes and goes. Sometimes I just hang on by my fingernails til it gets a little better. My husband and I are very close but we each handle it differently. I get a little angry and snap at him and he gets very intense and demanding when we are in a lot of pain. It is difficult to know what to do but we are learning how to manage each other's grief.

Our sons are 23 and 19.  The 23 year old has moved into the role of the oldest child and has been very mature and supportive. We had a lot of problems with him as a teenager but he turned out very well. Our youngest is more sensitive and worries about us. It upsets him when we talk how much we miss Em.

We keep in touch with our son-in-law. He doesn't get much support from his family.  He's gone through some very bad stages - drinking too much, tattooing, quit his job a few months ago. He seems to be doing a little bettter now. He's looking for a new job and wants to move back home.

We went to a child bereavement group a few weeks after. We had no idea how to cope and some friends suggested it. We didn't like it. There was so much pain in that group and very little healing. We felt like we absorbed more pain from the group than we were already feeling.  It wasn't very helpful. There is another group here that is more instructional that we will probably try eventually. I look at grief as a hurt that needs to heal but will always leave an aching scar. I am looking for ways to heal and keep her memory alive.

How is your daughter doing? Many people have told me about how much losing a brother or sister affected them. Do you do anything special for your son on Christmas or his birthday? I wish I had included Em in our Christmas somehow and intend to do something for her birthday.

 

Take care Kathy!

 

Hi Kathy! Yes, that''s my lovely daughter. She was 28 and passed away the last Saturday in May from a brain hemorrhage. She was married and had 3 dogs and was a wonderful hospice nurse in the St. Louis area. I am doing OK. It hurts 24/7 but I am able to push the grief away and function as a reasonably normal person. I seek distraction as much as I can and I keep busy.  I don't know if I am handling the grief as I should. I want to keep it positive as I have so many good memories with her and I want to be strong for my husband and sons. I don't like to be a burden to my friends. Her birthday is approaching in a few months and her loss is bothering me a lot more lately.

 

Can you tell me about your son and how you are coping?

Hi Kathie, Yes Max was born in 1985 on April 13, the happiest day of my life.

Sorry for your loss> I deeply touched an find myself w/out words. No matter what we do the feelings of guilt will never go away as those of surviving a child. may God enligten us all.