Kelly, I am sorry for your loss. All of us here understand the pain and sorrow you are feeling. We will listen to tour stories, we will tell you ours. They are all the same and every one is different. We do not judge. This is a good place to come.this is the club that nobody wants to be in, but here we are.my husband died on December 2, 2010. My children are grown and living in other states. I am learning how to be alone. Tears come often and I struggle against mild depression. Hugs to you as you work your way through your grief.