Dear Kenyada: It's so good to hear from you.  I thought you went separate ways.  It's been a long time, but I'm glad you wrote me.  I'm sorry for the pain you are in with your anniversary of one year coming up.  My John's anniversary was January 25th, and he was buried on Jan. 30th a year ago. My son sung worship music for John and just the other day, on the 31st, my son sang worship music for another funeral, one day to the year later. It seems that sorrow and loss are more universal than we think.  The only thing that's helped me are the three bevearement groups I've been to.  And the only One who has helped get me through this year is the Lord.  I read books on grieving, write and journal and all of that helps me.  It's the Lord who can bring comfort and peace and I urge you to turn to Him no matter how hard it is for you. And remember approaching a year in your grieving is a major sorrow.  It was for me, and I remembered everything from a year ago and it hurts.  Give it over to the Lord and let Him help you in everything.  Why not go to griefshare.org to get some words of hope.  You loved deeply; you grieve deeply. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you.  Please write again and let me know how you're doing.  Remember the first year is the hardest. God bless you.  Joan

 

Dear Kenyada: It's so good to hear from you.  I thought you went separate ways.  It's been a long time, but I'm glad you wrote me.  I'm sorry for the pain you are in with your anniversary of one year coming up.  My John's anniversary was January 25th, and he was buried on Jan. 30th a year ago. My son sung worship music for John and just the other day, on the 31st, my son sang worship music for another funeral, one day to the year later. It seems that sorrow and loss are more universal than we think.  The only thing that's helped me are the three bevearement groups I've been to.  And the only One who has helped get me through this year is the Lord.  I read books on grieving, write and journal and all of that helps me.  It's the Lord who can bring comfort and peace and I urge you to turn to Him no matter how hard it is for you. And remember approaching a year in your grieving is a major sorrow.  It was for me, and I remembered everything from a year ago and it hurts.  Give it over to the Lord and let Him help you in everything.  Why not go to griefshare.org to get some words of hope.  You loved deeply; you grieve deeply. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you.  Please write again and let me know how you're doing.  Remember the first year is the hardest. God bless you.  Joan

 

HELLO KENYADA
EVERYTHING HAS BEEN OKAY FOR ME JUST TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME.IT GOOD TO KNOW EVERYTHING IS OKAY WITH YOU.I HAVE REALLY BEEN MEANING TO CALL YOU TO TALK WITH YOU ABOUT SOMETHINGS. I THINK I WILL DO SO THIS WEEKEND.WE WILL TALK THEN.

Hello kenyada
How are you doing today? How was your first day at group.please don't give up i don't think your karl would want you to give up.I was so happy happy to hear from your. We are going to get through this like -you said one day at a time and small baby steps. I love you!! your friend forever.

Hello Kenyada
I just wanted to check in on you just making sure everything is okay. i have not heard from you in a while.

Dear Kenyada: This is a second email I am sending to you on 6/6/10. Please know I am here and waiting to hear from you on my email address: JAmato@aol.com. I love you too and I've wondered why I haven't seen your email address on aol. Please write and I want to tell you we, in New York, had about four days of humid weather, high in the 80's, by which it was promised rain. So for four days I waited for the rain. It did not come and today, there were very high winds, and a tornado watch posted. The winds brought in cool temps down into the 70's tonight and lower temps for the next four days. We need the rain; you had the rain. We are never satisfied, right? Please be well and confident in your grieving. It's what's supposed to happen right now. Lean into it. Let it happen. All you feel is normal. I hope to hear from you very soon. God bless you in all you do. And may God hold you tightly in His arms and put a ring of protection around you so that you only feel His presence and His love. Joan

Dear Kenyada: I wrote to you at your email address that you sent me. You wanted to send me a picture of the headstone you got for Karl. I'll give it to you again and please write me: JAmato@aol.com. Send me your email address again. I'm here and I was wondering if you forgot to send me the photos of the headstone. Please know I am here for you and I'm suffering as you are suffering over our losses. I had one of the hardest Friday, and Saturday over John. I couldn't even speak to my daughter when she called. My group experience with the Visiting Nurse Service of Hospice opened more doors to what I needed to recall. It was so hard. I am better today as my son, Louis, leads music worship in our church and he invited me to sing and be a part of his group. So I got up very early and sat through two services in order to sing the beautiful song he found. It's called "There's a Day," and it's a song of when the earth will be no more and how we will meet Him in the air and then we will be like him and we will live with him in His glory. It brought all those images of John's dying and those very last days of his life and how, the day before he died, he said "I love you," leaving the perfect gift to me. I had a good enough day today, but I don't know what tomorrow will bring, just like you. Please continue to write and use my email address to send the photos of the headstone you designed for Karl and then we can communicate more freely. I hope you are well and are leaning into your grief. It's the only way I know how to get through it. It has to be like a road that is straight in its destination to take us somewhere, but we need to be faithful and follow it. Please write and let me know more of how your are. Your friend in grief, Joan

Dear Kenyada: I am so happy to hear from you. I did not forget you, I'm still getting used to navigating this site. I am so happy to hear God has made you safe in your sorrow. I am so happy to hear Karl has made his wishes known, so clear, for you to continue on with you life. I can imagine that the headstone can be a problem, but you are working on it to make it right. I also am so happy to hear you pray for me. This makes me feel very special and I need all the prayers I can get. I too am feeling a little bit better after having the last several days be so very painful in my grieving. But I understand the symptoms and I know that I must persevere and walk through rough waters. There's no way around it. And it makes me happy to go to the cemetery. I plant flowers for John, as I'm waiting for John's daughter to invite me to go out and get his headstone. This is something she wanted to do and pay for. I would like that and I hope your headstone is all you want it to be. It adds a sort of elegance to testify to the life of the person who's gone. I'm glad you have a friend to help you. That's important. I go to two bevearement groups and that helps me understand and cope with my loss. I love you too Kenyada from the first time I read what you wrote. I could feel the hurt coming from your soul. It would be wonderful to meet you. Just so you know, my son married a wonderful Jamaican woman and they have three children together. You would be welcomed within the family. We are a strong Christian family and try to live good lives as you are. I live in New York. Where do you live? Maybe some day we can meet. I would like that. In the meantime, I will pray the pain in your neck will get better. Sometimes it's the result of extreme sorrow over Karl, stress. I know when my body speaks to me through the pain in my back, leg or neck that it's stress speaking to me. When I'm not grieving so much, the pain has lessened and even has gone away. I pray for that for you. During this holiday weekend, I hope you can find those who understand what you're going through and where you can feel comfortable and loved. Take care and God bless you in all you do. And may He hold you in His circle of love and weep with you as you weep for your beloved Karl. Joan

Dear Kenyada: I'm sorry to be responding so late to your message. Unfortunately, I'm not used to navigating this site, even though I like it very much for people like yourself. First let me commend you on going to the cemetery. You heard Karl telling you not to, but followed your heart and went to see his resting place. I go to the cemetery to sit quietly, talk to John, and see how quiet and peaceful it is. I know his remains are there but his spirit is with God. And I know the feeling of trying to find the gravesite. John just has a marker for now, and it was hard. What I did was put in deep blue flowers in a pot, and planted a red flower. Then John's birthday was May 18th, and I tied two baloons to the marker. One was "Happy Birthday," and the other is "I love you." They still bob in the wind and I can spot his resting place so easy now. You might want to put some flowers there so you can see it. And it's a good place to cry. We're supposed to cry; we're grieving the loss of our loved one. I even bought myself a lawn chair so I can sit there with him like I used to do when he was sick and in the hospital. You took care of Karl like I did with John. The love and care is mingled with the love of a mother, as when our loved one is so ill, in some sense, they become childlike, longing our care and love. But what motivates that care unconditionally, is the deep love felt for him.
And I want to tell you it's four months since John passed and the grieving has gotten worse. I'm in Griefshare and it gets worse, much worse, before it gets better. The pain is unbearable at times and I can have three to four days in a row when I feel sick and can't bear it. And it's important not to stop the tears. They need to come and you must let them come. When you love so deeply, the grieving is just as deep. Then there's some days in a row that you always think of him but may not cry. That's okay too. My church requested a picture of John because they are going to pay tribute to those who went home to the Lord this past year for Memorial Day service at the church. It's a beautiful tribute, but also it will be a sad day for me. I hope you looked into Griefshare.org and let them send you the daily devotions. It's been so good to write to you. God bless you and write whenever you can. Joan