• Female
  • Pontiac, IL
  • United States
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  • Margie Dovale
  • Terri Kuta
  • Lisa Dale




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On July 3rd, about 1 p.m. Shelly (oldest daughter) called, Robert (age 29) had been air lifted to a hospital in Champaign, IL.  Robert was on his way to work that morning a little after 8, leaving his town of Neoga, Il to Effingham.  A grain farmer driving a pick up pulling a short flat bed loaded with items was in front of his house on the 2 lane road.  He turned left in front of Robert as Robert pulled out to pass.  He never saw it coming.  I'm told the man's son-in-law heard the loud noise of the collision and ran down the lane and called EMS.  The farmer died instantly.

Robert's van had to be drug from the truck as it lit on fire.  EMS worked for some time cutting him out.  The steering wheel had to be cut off.  The air bag on his side didn't go off.  Robert had on his seat belt, but went forward into the mirror taking out his right eye.  When he went back, it was so forceful, his seat snapped off, and the van seat behind snapped off and flipped over from the hit.  Every window in the van except one was shattered. 

At the hospital, I was sickened to watch them staple his ear back on with no pain killer.  Dr. said he was in a coma, he wasn't feeling anything.  I wasn't convinced of that.  Robert's wife let them drill a hole in his head with no pain killer.  She took great pleasure in telling me.  It was so hard to look on my son so broken up.  His right leg broken in many places all the way down, right foot crushed, cuts, brusies, over 100 stitches...I prayed over him until I was hoarse.  After 3 days I asked them to put a line in for nurishment.  They had to ask his wife's permission, she actually hesitated! 

After 5 days I left the hospital to clean up, Robert's wife had a nurse call and tell me that I would be "allowed" to come back up and see my son for 5 minutes with hospital security present,"   his wife, Maria had decided to unhook him off life support.  That same day, she went out and signed up for Social Security.  She came back late in the day, and asked, "is he dead yet?"  That evening she went to a motel and went to bed.  Robert died alone at 7:40 a.m the next morning.

I got a call and went up there, getting there a half hour too late.  The nurses let me stay and be with him.  They were upset that they had been calling and calling his wife and no answer.  Robert had signed up to be a tissue & organ donor.  By the time she showed up at the hospital at 10a.m it was too late.  Robert was a good man, went to church, prayed, took good care of his wife & kids, (Maria, wife never worked a day at a job or at home)  never smoked, drank or drugs.  His son Joseph is 9, I know he misses his daddy greatly.  Robert would come home from work and take Joseph "junking" with him just for needed extra income.  Joseph loved it.  Mirah is 3 and asks, "when is daddy coming home?"  Riley is 2.  Maria won't let us see them.  She's always been selfish.  In the past, she told terrible lies trying to make Robert hate his family, and I would always feel sorry for her because she didn't have a parent raise her, or have close family, now....I grieve to hold my grandbabies.  I want to ease their pain and I can't.

21 years serving God and I have no answers.


Diaster Bombs

Posted on January 17, 2011 at 11:32pm 0 Comments

All "H" broke loose on Christmas Eve and just when I think the worst is over and I'm finally having a day when I'm not grieving or angry or depressed, another diaster bomb drops out of the sky and SPLAT! we get hit again.  My husband got a rash on Dec. 22, 10.  By the 27th it looked like he'd been burned in a fire he was so red and his sking was rolling off him.  Our family Dr. went home during the appointment, so the nurse practicioner saw him.  She called the dr. on call & he had her…


Merry's your black eye,....

Posted on December 27, 2010 at 2:44am 2 Comments

I hate anyone losing someone they love.  I can't read a newspaper article about a death without crying, can't watch a show with loss in it or I bust into tears, I get annoyed when people post on Facebook all those "cutsie" poems on losing someone.  Yes, that's anger in my tone, and I grieve for everyone now. 

Where does this horror ever end? 

For Christmas I only asked for a pair of "moccason?" house shoes, but instead got my eye  blacked, a busted lip, and several knots on my head. … Continue

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At 4:19pm on August 8, 2011, Lisa Dale said…
I'll friend you on facebook.  I'd like that.  I'm going through some pretty unbelievable things myself, in addition to tomorrow being one year from the family finding out Daddy had cancer.  I'm glad that what I had to say helped a little.  I just know that God knows we aren't perfect; we are human and we have emotions.  He doesn't expect more than for us to bring it to Him and let Him help us through it.  The NIV Bible has been the easiest for me to understand.  I don't get all the thee's and thou's  The NIV is written in our language.  There are lots and lots of little hard cover books out right now that just give passages that you can use when you are having a certain problem come up.  In other words, God's advise on how to handle things.  I'm far from perfect.  I'm just trying to live, a little more, day by day, the way God's word says I'm suppose to live.  Not easy.
At 6:55pm on December 30, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Laura I pray that underneath all of the pain plus hatred plus frustration plus misunderstandings something will prevail in your favor for there are many people who have love and compassion for you that are not just a joke in your sight as I'm one that's pulling for you to be come that mother that can be there for her grandchildren one day.
At 6:50pm on December 30, 2010, Rev.James Durden said…
Hi Laura,I'm sorry for your pain all the way around,1st of all there has to be a recognition of the enemy trying to destroy you and you have to come to realization that other people don't see this the way you do,I have some of the same problems you do but I learned not to look at the people around me as my problem,they'll never love your child as you do and the more you realize that the less you'll focus on whether their love means as much as your,as for the children they have love for Robert but they won't display it the way you do children don't want to talk about their brothers or sisters as much a we parents do,your Ager is at a high level and your frustration is hurting your thinking and I hurt for you and the pain you're going thru is phenomenal as no one should have to suffer this much agony,I don't know how you got the black-eye but this is not good at a time like this I pray for anyone who put their hands on you and I pray for Sanity in a case like this,please get to someone you can talk too that will help with your disgust for your dauhgter-in-law that type of stuff hurts families so much when the children are used as pawns in the tangled webs we weave,there is so much to grasp that I'm saddened you're in such a quandry,God loves you and this has to be brought under control.I pray that just a tid-bit of what I said will help and I pray that your anger level decreases so you can see thru the maze of frustration that has invaded your life at such a sad time,I know your love for Robert is great and let not all of the things that kept you apart ruin your love for  grandchildren as you grieve for their dad these little babies need to know all of the love they can get.Laura I pray that things will calm down for you and I'm always here and you can talk too me whenever you like.The Preacher           
At 11:13am on December 28, 2010, Terri Kuta said…

Laura: I am so sorry that you are going thru all of this, jonathan was my husband and my only child together he had 2 children before me and i had one but if any of those had died I would feel the same way we raised all of them since they were little.  It sounds like to me your family is tryig to deal with your sons death by not dealing with it,  The signs are just litle things some people say it's just your imagination but I can't believe that all of my family has gotten something from him well I don't know about his older brother he hasn't said anything but the rest of us has.  Mine started the day ofhis funeral it was raining and was to rain all day  i looked up toward heaven and told jonathan i need a sign you are ok let the rain stop and give me sunshine. well the rain kept going and then when the service started i was cryig out of control and my husband told me to look out the window and it had stoped raining and then the clouds just all moved away and the sun came out so bright all the way thru the service.  Then about a week later i was eating pizza my daugher is manager of dominos where jonathan and i both worked for her i made me jonathan's and my favorite pizza i don't have to pay for mine since i made it and took it home when i went in for my second piece and picked it up a penny was under the pizza. The next one was 3 weeks after he died his sister was in a bad wreck about 25 fet from where he was killed when she saw the truck was about to hit her she scremed her brothers name, the man hit her so hard it spined her around and both air bags with off she had to be taken to the hospital but was alright except for a black eye and where the seltbelt brusied her, but we had taken things out of her car since it was totaled and put it all in a box but she could't find one thing she hung from her rearview mirrow. She looked in my purse and found a ring she had lost in 07 my purse is new

At 12:40pm on December 27, 2010, Terri Kuta said…


Im sure your brother heard about my son's death it was all over every newspaper.  We are all coping any way we can, his youngest sister moved back home from college but can't stay here long she says the memories are just to bad we are trying to get her into counseling but can't find a young group she's 21 and don't want to go where she calls old people would go about losig their sibling, she and her brother had gotten so close this past year.  Our oldest daughter is 22 and she lives in magnolia with her boyfriend she is manager of dominos where her brother work for her she is trying to get a transfer its just to hard to go to work everyday thinking he will walk in or be in her chair drinking her coke.  Some days I don't even know how to breath and don't want to but then i get a sign from jonathan and it gets me thru another hour or day.  I do feel alone in my grief like you do, we had insurance that if one of us dies the children would be set but really didn't have insurance for our children, so my husband went back to work 2 weeks after our son died and he works out of town 6 days then off 3 so im here basically by myself most of the time, the day before jonathan died i lost my job, I work for Dominos also for my daughter but its only part time and now they have cut those hours the economy is just so bad right now.  Well I hope you are having a ok day i don't say good anymore because i don't think any of us will ever have a good day until we all can be with our child again.  Write anytime I would love to get to know more about your child and you about mine

At 1:09am on December 20, 2010, Cathy Pearly said…



I would like to say welcome...but who WANTS to be welcome to a group like this really?  I can tell you that being here helps me, and many our darkest, worst moments, we can come here and someone will help us, or we will help is so good to will never be judged here.  I lost my only child 03/11/07 in a Motorcycle accident...that day forever changed my life...Will you tell us about your son?

At 7:15pm on December 19, 2010, Terri Kuta said…

Hi Laura:


I hope this site helps you the way it has helped me my son was killed in a head on collision a month ago today, the holidays are awful and everyday is so painful but everyone here knows what you are going thru and will help you in any way we can.


Terri  Jonathan's mom


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