Hi Lance. I just read your post. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
I still remember the days, and weeks after my brother died, and even though it is only 11 1/2 months past, I am not remembering each day that goes by. I think the first couple months are really difficult. And then each FIRST-- birthdays, holidays, anything you want to share... it sucks. Facebook has actually helped me a lot too! I made a group for my brother, and I have tons of pictures and random projects I have completed. It helped me.
Many hugs to you. I have found it rare that brothers talk as much as sisters so, if you need to email, please do. I have no idea how this site works actually. :)
I can't get "bridge over troubled water" out of my head... it plays non-stop and I feel like I should have been the bridge for my little Brother when he was going through troubled waters. I feel like I failed him.
My greatest fear has always been my own mortality. I have always been terrified that I will someday die, but now I don't fear it. I wish that I could die, but I do not want to make the people I love hurt. I can't heap more pain on them, but I hate that I am without my Brother. My life has really become meaningless other than trying to be strong for my family.
I was working in the kitchen today and suddenly thought that I should call my Brother and talk to him. I got happy at the idea of hearing his voice and then it hit me and I felt all empty and alone again.
i recieved a weird message from" joy" and i do not even think i had contacted her but i think you may be right about something not being "right" with this picture-- how can we have someone watching "her" to see if something is not quite right ??
I also got a letter from Joy and wasnt quite sure how to respond to it. It just struck me as odd but maybe I read too much into it. My emotions are off the charts right now! I share in ur pain with the loss of ur brother! I lost a sister 4 yrs ago and now my husband was taken away from me too....he will be gone 2 weeks tomorrow! I am here for you if you need to talk!
I want to thank you all for your words. I know that you all mean well, and I can see and feel the pain that some of you have right now. I can not help but feel like I am drifting in the ocean without a sail. I have an endless void in my life that can never be filled.
Yesterday I was at work and I glanced up and saw a man that I thought was my Brother. I did a double take and of course it wasn't. His haircut and hair color were the same, his height was the same and it jarred my mind, and then broke my heart all over again.