Posted on February 6, 2010 at 9:34pm
To all who have lost a child,
I don't know what to say or how to say it as I am sitting here at my computer crying uncontrollably once again, not just for myself and my loss but for all of you that I read about and the desperation and grief I feel with you. My son turned 16 on Nov. 30th, 2009. He was the light of my life. My only reason to live this life. He gave to me joy, laughter, future, comfort, and a friendship that went beyond the 'parental' relationship. We did everything together… Continue
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It sounds that you and I have the same grieving spirit. As you, I am no longer the person that I was. I just finished reading a book called "The Worst Loss", author: Kubler-Ross. I don't read much but this book it written in a manner that did not overwhelm me with sadness and telling me the "stages" of what to expect in greif, etc.. It centers on several different families who have lost the children at different ages and in very diffierent circumstances. They are not stories of their experiences but their emotions and how they have changed their lives. If you get a chance I would suggest you read it also. It may be time for me to read it again. I kept your email address and will write to you soon. Mine is email@example.com. I haven't prayed to God either, but everyone keeps tellimg me he is patient. Hope so - I don't feel like talking to him yet. I hope that he is saddened for our loss also.
Love to you,
I am so deeply saddened for all that you have lost and everything that you have and are going through. Please tell me more about your son and your life; I care. Thank you for your kindness. It helps to write to other people that have experienced the same or similar circumstances becuase other people just simply do not have any idea of the heart wrenching pain that we have experienced. I ahve learned that whatever I am feeling is okay. Thank you with all my heart for giving your support so unselfishly when you yourself have had to cope with such loss yourself.
Thanks for leaving this comment. I truly appreciate your loss and I grieve for you too. Every time I visit the cemetery I go see the kids that have passed into His love and there are so many of them! Sometimes I think that the section where Michael is buried is the youngster section. Our beloved neighbor is there, too.
I well know that I may not want to know the whole truth but in another fashion I do. I can handle it. After seeing my child buried nothing can be worse than that.
I pray for your healing and I will post a poem if I can get it there that a friend sent to me just after Christmas. Hugs to you,
I have not been able to speak with anyone but the detective and his direct boss. The police chief wil not answer my attorney's or my calls. Next, we are trying to set up a meeting with the city attorney. After that, if he cannot answer my questions I plan to go to the media because I do not believe that a thorough investigation was done. The detective even lied to me in that meeting and said he never told me my son's case was closed, but he did and I have witnesses. They are trying to cover up something and I will one day find out what. I am going to try to attach a photo of my baby.....we will see if thet happens.
Thanks for your support! Hugs to you too!
Hello it has been a long time that i have been on the site. But, i want to tell you that i understand and that i am praying for us, i have been in a depression for two weeks now and i know about the sleepless nights and the heart that is empty and void and how when any one comes over i don't want them to touch any of Jared's things i won't even let them go in his room so i understand that and i understand how when you even hear a story that is so close to yours that it's like you are being broken and hurt again. I understand how you are trying to function when all that you want is to hold your baby and not have to live without him. So you have had a week like mine and many others here who are struggling just to breath. I walk here in my house and hold my son's pictures close and cry i have been crying for some time now, and i know how when people hear that you are the woman everyone is talking about that people treat you like you have the plague, i am going through that with some very close friends and people that have known my son. I can't even go to the store without someone saying Hi Jared's mom and then going home without him being there. I have 4 brothers no husband and they are not able to process how we might be feeling they are all trying to be strong when all i want is for them to cry with me, it's a sometimes very lonely place as it is sometimes for all of us, but this is not about all of us it's about you and i know that and i know that some of the questions are why and how are you going to get through one more day without you son's smile without the void being filled, because there is a void there. The only thing i can say is that it's not meant for us to push away how we feel nor to make excuses about how others feel about the lose of you son and the void it has left in your life as well as others some known and some not known, what i can say is that we are in this place of the worst kind and as we go along no matter how long it's going to take or no matter how hard it is going to get, that our son's are looking for us to smile and love life again, to continue to struggle to cry to yell out to run out of a room when it's too painful to be there, and that there will come a time when they will say mom it's time to smile and to laugh, we don't know when that time will come that they will say this to us and we think that we will never hear it from them but we will. It won't tomorrow and it won't be next week and it may not be a year from now but they will say "mom live and don't die, mom smile, and when that happen we will come out better and stronger because it will be them giving us what they know we need and that is life and permission to move forward which will be another Heart Song from God to us. I know this sounds stupid and i know you may say to yourself she does'nt know what she's talking about! but know this i am you and you are me the only difference is that i don't have a husband, but i had a son that was beloved not just by me but by a vast community and who is now gone, who left a hole so big that there is nothing that can fill it, at least not today.From my heart to yours.
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