I just saw your note about your loss of 2 siblings.  I understand exactly how you feel.  I was one of 6 kids.  We have lost 3 - the 1st when I was 5 (she was 10) the 2nd when I was 15 (she was 9) and the most recent, last October. (she was 52). I am now 47.  I have the same feeling that you do..  people fear us like they are going to catch something or coming into contact with us is just simply bad luck.  I thought it was just me but after reading your comment, it is not.  thank you for sharing.  Having survived for many years, I know I will but, like you, some days I feel really good and then others, without any reason, I am a mess.  Again, thank you for helping me with your words.