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The recent and sudden loss of my best friend aka my mom!!

i just lost my mom on aug 24th 2010 from stage 4 pancreas and liver cancer but it all started back in may when she was in and out of the hospital for deep blood clots in her leg but she never told me she was going to die or that she was that bad so was going to chemo for a few weeks but i am taken this very hard i am so devastated and very depressed lost and scared and i have been here all alone by myself and my mom was my life my world my everything we were very very close and had such a very tight close bond she did everything for me etc i am just in so much pain and it hurts and it's killing me inside i love and i miss her so much already i just do not know how i am going to get through this.i need all the help and support that i can get right now i can't sleep it's tearing me apart her bday was aug 29th she could not even make it until then i have been through so much in my life i lost my dad when i was only 10 my only older brother when i was 22 and now my mom i have been saying why god why why did he take my mom away from me now i really needed her i am very angry i just wish that she would of told me and that we could of had more time to spend and do thing's together i remember her telling me that everything is going to get better and we will have more fun times again.i knew something was not right when she was in the hospital 4 like almost 14 days and hospice was involved i just could not deal or accept the fact that she is gone i am all alone and i am never going to see her ever again i just wish one day i will wake up and all this was one huge nightmare or a very bad dream.God took my angel everything away from me i lived with my mom most of my life and almost 15 years now how can i go on and not want to end my life.the only thing that is keeping me sane and going is my two little male chihuahua puppies that my mom got me for xmas and easter i love them to death and so did she and i do not want to lose them i just could not deal with it at all she called them THE BOYS lol.

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At 6:31pm on May 24, 2011, nikki berwick said…: you have a life also.this will pass..get help from a greif counciler. dont be hard on your self..your mum would want you to be happy,it takes time....i am still in dire pain and grief also.some days are better than others...xx

At 9:05am on January 25, 2011, Janet - Todd's Mom said…: Hi Lisa, I just read your story and felt so bad. You remind me of my daughter...she's been feeling lost and alone since our son, her only sibling, died of complications of pneumonia in June of 2009. It was sudden and unexpected, from a bad cold to pneumonia and death in 10 days, all because his doctor wouldn't prescribed the much-needed antibiotics to make him well. When another doctor finally prescribed the antibiotics, it was too late. We are devastated and our daughter is feeling scared because she can see that I've lost my will to live, and that my husband has said he couldn't live without me. So, I try to hang on, and be here for her. Here I'm trying to make you feel better, but I'm just rambling on about my life. Write to me anytime and let me know how you are doing. I wish for you hope, love and hugs.....Janet

At 7:48am on December 11, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi Lisa hope you are ok i know our pain is a little different but i feel you are strong and just need a little support. thinking about all of us and our problems and losses and such tremendous grief and pain. Carrie L

At 1:33pm on December 6, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi lisa hope you are ok was reading your old post on my page feeling for you and the loniliness and pain your are experiencing. It is kind of hard to talk to strangers as we all are on this site but we have the same sadness and loss.which binds us in a world all our own for so many around us haven't experienced this loss or pain.. they say it is not going to change there is nothing we can do to change it. but i believ e there is nothing we can do to stop the pain either.. take care Carrie L

At 12:48am on September 29, 2010, Brenda said…: Hi Lisa I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I lost my daughter in a car accident July 12, 2009. The worst day of my life she was just 23 years old. Her life hadn't even started yet. I take things one day at a time and I thank God each day we had Bronda for 23years some people aren't that lucky. My sister lost a baby at 2 months and she has very few memories of David. We have tons of memories of our Bronda. I miss her so much though as we were very close. We were blessed with a grandson in June and his name is Bradon Ray after his Aunt Bronda and his other grandpa. Both are angels watching over our little ray of sunshine. I know it is very hard to lose someone suddenly as you did your mom and we did Bronda. But take it one day at a time and reflect on the good times you had with your mom. I never knew my mother as she died when I was 2 months old so she is watching over my baby now. Know you are not alone going down this road. I haven't been here in awhile. I have learned to take life one day at a time and face what ever comes my way that day. I hope this makes some kind of since to you as I sometimes seem to ramble on. I have had people tell me that it gets easier well I'm still waiting for that to happen. Sometimes I feel as though I take 3 steps forward and 2 backwards. It's been a year and still feels like yesterday. I just wish I would wake up from this nightmare. As we all feel like we are in one. When someone tells me if gets better I look at them and say when? I don't think it gets better we just learn to deal with it. I will keep you in my prayers as I do everyone here that has lost a loved one. May God keep you in his arms my friend.

At 7:56pm on September 22, 2010, Carrie L said…: Hi lisa I am so sorry for your loss. tragic and sudden is what happened to my son also. and no goodbyes no making up no warning him .. my gosh unbelievable i will go with thoughts and then constantly the thought of his loss. it is wearing me out but i love him so i don't care what it does to me.. carrie L