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Posted on March 19, 2014 at 9:56am 2 Comments 1 Like
My husband was killed in a tragic car accident last July while we were traveling from Greece back to Bulgaria. Five days prior to the accident our son had gotten married to a wonderful girl from Bulgaria. After the wedding we were traveling with the brides parents and my brother and sister in law as well as my best friend. We planned this trip to Greece to relax by the water. On the way back to Bulgaria a car decided to pass in a no passing zone causing a collison with a semi which than…Continue
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Marie, haven't heard from you in a few days or from Barbara, hope you are maybe just a little bit better, last weekend was one of the worst weekends & I don't even want to think about the weekend coming up, on Sunday would have been our anniversary & it's one year that we sailed on our last trip together, who would have guessed? I still feel it is surreal & can't stop the crying, not once or twice, sometimes countless of times a day, hope u are doing better than me.
Marie, so sorry you are feeling so sad, I understand you completely my friend, the sadness doesn't ease up, on the contrary, at least for me, I miss him more & more everyday, I was just packing & crying at the same time, thinking how happy he would have been to be going on vacation, my stomach has been very upset lately, nausea all the time, my sister says I am getting sick because of all the anxiety & crying, says I have to try to control myself because I am going to wind up in the hospital, I really do try, I am on anti-depressives & sometimes I need to take anti anxiety medication or I can't function.
Yesterday was also a bad day, my neighbor's 2 year old baby almost died from a pool accident, I couldn't control myself, because originally they thought he had died, I cried & cried & said to myself, what else is going to happen, I am scared all the time, expecting something to go wrong, if u must go on anti depressives, then do so, u can't battle this sadness without help, many people tell me to see a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist but u know what, nobody will take away what I am feeling, so it makes no sense to me, if people want me to talk it out, I do, to my Pablo, to God & family & some friends that understand, must say most of those are male friends.
Marie, wish I could console you & tell u that the sadness will subside but you are ahead of me on the grieving process & that hasn't helped you, we feel what we feel & I pray for all of us to start to accept what has happened in our lives & I ask God every single day to help me & to give me acceptance & some understanding why it had to happen to my family,
I will try to keep in touch even while on vacation if I can, I pray I can at least have some peace of mind while I am away.
Many Hugs, u need then more today & don't ever forget he is always near you although not how we want them to be.
Marie, we are going to Florida, staying first 3 days at my aunt's house in Hialeah, then going with a high school friend & my sister for 3 days to Key West, then will staying 1 week in Miami Beach & the last 3 days close to Ft Lauderdale because my friend lives in Miramar, should be back home on the 28th, when I get back only have 1 week left to get ready for baby shower which will be on the 4th of October, anyway I totally understand your feelings, I too try not to cry in front of people, they seem to understand just for a small amount of time but then they think you should be moving on with your life, I just can't the more time goes by, the more I miss him, right about this time last year we were going to Vegas & then on the cruise in October, just like u say, sit & cry & then cry some more.
haven't been feeling too great either & my sister thinks it's all the stress, I had an appointment with my doctor for this Monday coming up & I canceled it for when I get back from vacation, can't think about any appointments or blood results right now, don't want to get more stressed than I am already, need to relax my mind, work has been extremely busy & I have been basically working 2 jobs for the past 3 weeks.
Hope u are at least feeling calmer, believe me, I understand u so well, like you, I feel that both u & Barbara have been a blessing in my life.
Hi Marie, read your post but like you, I haven't had the energy to write, usually off on Fridays but had to work yesterday to cover a co-worker, trying to keep busy planning the baby shower which will take place only 1 week after we come back from vacation but even things like these make me miss my hubby even more, I sit with my sister at a restaurant & just cry, people must think I am nuts, but u know what, I don't care, every little detail just reminds me of my Pablo, he would have been with me & the preparations every step of the way, I miss him more & more each day & I just can't stop the crying, in the past 6 and a half months since his passing I can tell you that not one day has gone by that I have been able to control my tears, don't see it coming any time soon, dreading that plane ride without him, he was my comfort & eased my nerves when we took off or landed or when it started to get shaky, I would practically tore his arm off & he would laugh & say, you should be used to it by now.
Just keep asking God every single day, Why him?, why my family again, too many deaths in such little time, I get terrified that something else will happen, I worry about my boys.
Now I am the one getting you all depressed, but know that both you & Barbara understand me totally.
I hope you are feeling somewhat better, sorry it hasn't gotten easy for any of us.
Hugs & Prayers,
Hi Marie, don't know if u are back from vacation yet, if not hope you are having a good time, I will be leaving Sept 13th, looking forward to the rest but not looking forward to going on a plane & on vacation without my love, nothing has changed from my side, tears everyday & extremely busy at work, doing 2 jobs because my co-worker is on vacation.
Hope u are doing better, always in my prayers.
Marie, I hear you, crying every day has not stopped for me, do it on a daily basis, still waiting for the day that it gets better, it hasn't, I can imagine your feelings about going on a plane by yourself, I am going with my sister but not the same, I miss from Pablo making all arrangements and reservations for all the vacations, these he looked forward to every year, will miss sitting next t him on the plane, I am not fond of planes & I would hold on to his hand really tight both when we took flight & landing or when there was turbulence, he said I was a scary cat, had to book a different hotel then the one I would stay with him in Miami Beach.
I hope you enjoy your vacation with your son & daughter in law & her mom, you will have someone with you that understands your feelings.
Take good care & try to enjoy, my vacation doesn't start til Sept 13th.
Marie, don't eve apologize for ranting, we all do & that's what we are here for because we can do so without being looked at as being weird,because we all can understand what we are going thru, I made it thru the wedding, cried some but tried to compose myself because my son did not deserve me crying all the time on his special day, on the other hand this past weekend was even harder, my mind & thoughts were constantly on Pablo, cried a lot, even though my son & daughter in law were not very compassionate, you would think that they would try to console me but all they did was ignore me every time I cried, for them is not the same, they have each other, me on the other hand & even though I live with my sister & she is very helpful & compassionate, it's not the same, we are used to waking up every morning with a partner next to us & when you are use to married life, being alone is terrible, at least for me, I keep hoping things get better but I can't stop crying, I think at all he is missing with the wedding, becoming a grandpa & vacations are even more of a killer for me, I feel horrible & guilty if I catch myself having fun or smiling, I think that he would have never chosen to leave me & makes me think of what he is thinking if I have a good time, don't even know how to explain my feelings.
I sure hope it gets better for all of us & soon.
Always in my thoughts,
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