I lost my husband of 24 years on 9-19-09 and I am finding the lonliness of the nights are the hardest thing to deal with. He taught me so much during our time together and is still teaching me life lessons through his death. These are the hardest things I have ever had to learn. I am slowly learning and each one is painful, so I take baby steps.
I am okay, I am allowed to grieve at my pace. It will get easier, not better as everyone tells me. But it will be in my time, not theirs. I am allowed to have my little break down times and they are perfectly normal. I am not going crazy, even when I thought I was. At times I was sure of it.
I don't have anything to feel guilty about. I was there for him when he was ill. I cared for him and I loved him with all of my heart and he knew it. Just as I knew he loved me more than he loved life itself. We were soul mates and our two hearts joined together as one heart on the day we married. So no I have no need for any guilt which comes with the grieving process.
Now if there were only some sort of lesson for getting over the lonely nights. When you have spent every night for so many years next to the same person, hearing I love you and never going to sleep without being kissed before hand. As they say old habits die hard. Not to mention he was my best friend for all those years. We talked about everything, I now have no one to tell all my secrets and troubles to. Thanks for letting me vent awhile.