Hey Maryann; it's good to hear from you.  I just got home from work.  My job is having an Open House on tomorrow and I had to put together a powerpoint presentation of all the activities our program did throughout the years.  I worked on this presentation for a month and it is finished.  Well it seems like your heart is in the healing process regarding your friend.  It will take time but you are headed in the right direction.  If you had good times like you said, then remember those times when you find yourself starting to drift toward the negative times.  If he was sick with cancer that's something that should not have been hidden; but if it was something else that may affect you, then seek God for the deliverance from that issue.  Maybe the secrecy could have been he was married, maybe he contracted HIV, maybe.....the answer for you is right there.  Do what you have to do to take care of yourself.  Be angry but sin not.  Your deliverance from the hurt will happen.  You will not forget but the memory will be bearable with less tears.  Love Ya.  Take care.