My daughter was killed in a car accident less then a mile from our home. We got to the accident within 5 minutes. I to felt numb or out of my body when we got to the hospital where they said that they could not revive her. I just looked at her. Unable to cry, scream or anything. I just kept pacing the hall making sure everyone else was ok who got to the hospital and delivering the news. The nurse said I was in shock and I needed to sit down. It was a out of the body experience. It did hit me 24 hours later and seems to be harder the longer she is gone. The first few months I was in denial. I pretended she was away at college her first year. She had just finished the first semester when she died. She was in college but living at home when she died News Years day. Funny I made her stay home New Years eve so she would be safe. Boy she was mad at me because she wanted to go to a party. Instead she dies on the way to the gym that afternoon so close to home. I have to drive by the site everyday. Only one way in and out on a curvy road. I told her be careful on this road. It is all down hill and curvy. I will Mommy she would say. That one moment of having fun going down a mountain road too fast and not putting her seat belt on (which she always wore) cost her, her life and the forever pain the ones left behind endure for the rest of our life. We just bought this house last summer and now I regret buying it but unable to move at this time. I am a single mom with two other daughters still in school I do not want to move them again. I guess I am rambling on but I thought I would let you know you are not alone. There are days that I wake up and think she is still here or I sit on the porch thinking she is going to pull in. I feel like I am crazy some days and other days are better...I am like a yo-yo up down up down. jan

dear Maureen, i had just come across your story of grief and it reminded me of myself when you said how strange and surreal things are for you; not in denial but not believing this can be true { maybe that is denial i guess } knowing it is true though. i felt sad when i read your comments because i have been having the same feelings-- i think "shock" is part of the reason we experience these things like you can only take so much at one time and then your mind just runs away and says this cannot be happening. we lost my nephew last July 30th 2009 {this is one of the last pictures of him } and i have went through many of the same things you mentioned and thought i was going crazy too and very hard to concentrate on anything but just wanted to write this message so that you do not feel alone because you are not and i do care and understand