Mona, how I feel for you. I am so, sorry for your loss. I lost my 33 yr old to brain cancer caused by his neurologist in 13 years of seizures did not want to do an MRI or cat scan. A big pediatric tumor ruptured in '01 and the lab results came back "cancer". He was a teacher but was unable to do his teaching anymore because his cancer advanced and caused brain injuries. I feel for you my dear. The pain eases slowly. Continue to work on your process, I know it will some day become easier to bear. I know it doesn't matter that your son died a hero. I know, it does not easy your pain. I am and many others going thru the awful separation from our children are with you too. We understand you. Praying for you. Martha = Oscar's mom.