Nichole, how are you doing?  I don't post much on this site but I was looking around and didn't see you here very often. I know you are just trying to survive all of this.  it is not easy, that is why we are all here. Write and let me know how you are.  Yesterday marked 10 months since my son left this earth,I still can't say that "d" word.  I am sick to my stomach all the time when I think of him.  His birthday is coming up in August and I am trying to prepare myself for that too.  If you want to email me privately my address is...  anitachavez1959@hotmail.com

Nicole I am so sorry for your loss I lost my 17 year old son last november in a auto accident, right now you are so numb you are just going thru the motions, everyone grieves differently but this site doesn't judge please scream yell cry or whatever you have to do to get thru another day we will all be here for you

Terri Jonathan's mom

Nichole, you are very very early in your grief.  I am not much ahead of you...9 months for me. I hate to tell you but it never gets easier it does get different.  I have good days and bad, really bad days.  I call them "Davey Days".  Either I am having a "Good Davey Day" or a "Bad Davey Day".  Most are bad unfortunately. Take one day at a time, that is what I have to do. If you are on Facebook, join Compassionate Friends. Everyone there has lost a child and it is easy to follow.  I get lost here at times.  Their is also Grieving Mothers on Facebook as well.  Sometimes as it is here, it is nice to know that you are not alone out there and that others are feeling what you are feeling.  Life goes on for everyone else, but our life is changed forever.  Others go on with there lives, yes they are sad but they don't understand our pain.  You will get angry because of that, I did and still do.  How can people be happy and go about their lives with their child and mine is gone?  Don't they know the pain I am in?  The answer is no, they don't and we hope they never do know.  Cry, scream, kick your feet, sleep (if you can)..do what YOU need to do to survive.  Tell people no when you don't want to do anything. You have to do what you need to do to survive this.  I am so so sorry for the pain, I am sorry for mine too.  We did not ask to take this journey but we are stuck here.  read all you can for support, where ever that may be.  Here is my sons, Davey's blog.  My daughter and I write to him there and it makes us feel a bit better to let Davey know what is going on here.  I try to write more but it is to painful at times.  http://daveyachavez.blogspot.com/.  Write when you feel like it and let me know how you are doing.  Love Anita

dear nichole, you have come to a place here, where we all..understand and feel your pain.  this group is sadly, unique. however, i have been coming to this site now almost 2 yrs.. i lost my only child dusty to a drug overdose.  this site is the ONLY place i have to go to share my feelings and know, that everyone cares and knows what i am feeling.  just know- we are all here for you, day and night, praying for you and your family,  valerie