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LOSS OF A SIBLING SUPPO…

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At 12:51pm on November 9, 2009, Paulette said…: please go back to school..i am in january. u are very depressed..i had those same symptoms when mom lost her sight and had 2 start dialysis. didn't want 2 do anything. couldn't eat. lost 25 lbs. i didn't see a doctor but my appetite came back. my best friend had moved away also. God brought me out of it. but i wish i had sought psychiatric help also. but go back to school not just 4 ur mom but 4 urself!!

take it easy and i love u!

At 1:43pm on November 8, 2009, Mary Jo Scalise said…: Hi Ms. Paulette. I hope you are doing well. I can't believe how this year is flying by so fast!! I am trying to get my life back together. It is so hard. I had it bad last week. all I did was sleep. I felt so tired and just didn't have energy to do anything. Well I made a dr's appointment and hopefully maybe I can finally get my rear in gear and I am going to try and go back to school. I promised Mom I would go back to school. Take care and know you are always in my prayers too!

At 8:33am on October 29, 2009, Mary Jo Scalise said…: First of all thank u again for taking the time to talk to me! Not to sound childish, but who knows, maybe our Moms made this happen for us, so we can heal.. Im sorry, I didn't realize you lost ur brother. I am so sorry, here I am crying about what happened and you are hurtin more. please forgive me for that...Thank you for ur words of encouragement, and what you said before about putting God 1st? that is the way Mom would always talk, she would say without faith you have nothing. and I saw for myself how true that was. The day she died. her roommate said she was acting normal, then about 6:30 she quit talking, got real quiet then all of sudden she started to roll her eyes around and within 5 mins of that, she closed her eyes and was gone. She died so fast, no one had a chance to help her. I turned 39, 2 weeks ago and it was so hard. as i told you before, I visited Mom in the cemetary for about an hour and cried my heart out. well I told my friend about what I did and he had the nerve to tell me, I better watch myself, that looks like a sign of depression. He still has both of his parents, which i am happy for he doesn't understand how im feeling, but you're rite. It's hard to just put your feelings aside just because people say so. I also lived with Mom my whole life. Right now i feel lost and alone. I don't mean to sound disrespectful but Im trying to compare this to Christmas morning. you never know what you will find. Im doing this myself, my sister's are too busy and they would just throw everything away. But I would rather have her walk thru that door just to say hello again to me.. I am trying to go back to church, but sometimes that is just as hard.. the last Sunday I was there, they played all the songs Mom loved and that was at her funeral. I almost ran out of there, I was crying so much. I just want to say thank you for reading my ramblings! I think you are a special lady yourself. and thank for listening. I think your Mom is a wonderful lady, because she raised a wonderful lady like you!! take care and you will always be in my prayers!

At 8:52pm on October 28, 2009, Mary Jo Scalise said…: Hi! thank you so much for writing me! I am very sorry for your loss. I agree, I think God and your Mom sent a little angel to help you with your pain. May I ask, was she born on your Mom's birthday? please forgive me for being forward. I lost my Dad in 1999, and I felt like my world was ripped apart, but nothing couldve prepared me for when my Mom died. Right now, its hard, I am going through her things and Im at a standstill right now. My Mom saved everything!! all the cards my sisters and i gave her, Im sorry I dont mean to go on and on about this.. Your loss is just as important and I hope you are ok. I know it never will be, but I think what keeps me going is the fact of knowing we have our very own guardian angels watching over us!! But I had a chance to make her comfortable at least. Mom wouldn't allow anyone to wash her but me! I will admit i got tired because I sat with her sometimes for 5 hours then I would go to work and do the same thing all over again. But I made her feel comfortable. and I was the one who alerted the nurses when she got bed sores, stage 3! I was washing her up when I noticed she had on a smaller brief, and that produced 3 nasty bedsores that opened. But I tried to keep her comfortable. The Sunday before she died, she was fussing a little bit and I asked her if she needed a bath, so after I was finished, she looked at me and said that's better! It made me feel better a little bit, she would always rave to my sisters (both rn"s) that I gave a better bath than they did. I was slow but thorough! But I regret not staying with her so much. even the day she died will haunt me. towards the end I only got there at 8pm and stayed till 10:30. She died at 7:25. and when I came back to see our friends, the nurse that was on duty that day made me realize something, she knew i showed up at 8pm so she died before i showed up. she told me my Mom loved me too much to let me see this happening to her. But I lost my best friend, and l feel lost without her. My birthday was 2 weeks ago and It didn't feel the same. Im dreading the holidays. But thank you for llistening to me, I didn't mean to go on and on about this. and I feel you are a special lady yourself!! Im finding out myself that going thru this major loss and returning to work as a cna can be hard sometimes.. but thank you again... and welcome to the group! Im glad "Legacy.com" has a place like this, so people who have expieranced loss like this can find a way to heal, thru talking to other's who are going thru the same loss!! You are in my prayers too! and I hope I didn't bore you to tears...Take care