We at this site, all understand how you feel. I think many people believe we should recover in a couple of months or so. Unless you have been in our situation you cannot even begin to understand how awful it is to try to go on every day without our children. I have lost 2 of my 3 daughters in the last 14 months. It doesn't seem possible that they are gone forever. I don't know if I have fully accepted it yet.
Please keep writing & reading other mother's stories. It does help, at least it has helped me. We are all so sorry for you & for all of us.