Skip, when my son passed I would have felt a great relief at knowing that the world would end soon. Fortunately for me I do have another son to live for. Good luck in finding some sort of peace with the passing of your son.
There will be something that always reminds you of your child. And it will hurt just like the time you lost them. I feel sorry about the children who suffered before they left this world but for a parent with the healthy child, the loss is the same. Because we ask the same question like. Why God did this happen to me. The real answer is we want ever know why or at least on this side of the cross.
Today I went to the doctor. My blood pressure was high and I could believe what he told me. I suffered a min-stroke due in part because of the heat. Dieing cannot be fun, because the min-stroke was painful.But not as painful as my boy's death.The world is a very strange place now.Trying to appear normal is hard to do. I should have died that night when my house caught fire because now I am dieing a thousands deaths.
Yes, Skip. I do understand. I wake up everyday and a feeling surrounds that speaks to me and says "nothing matters". Now I love my three other children; and I would die for them. As I would die to give Chad back his life .... in a second. And I love my husband ... but still even though I know life is a gift and I should treasure it ... the feeling remains "nothing matters". The glitter, the innocence, is gone for me from this world. It left with my son. How I love that boy. How he is my heart and my soul. I listen to the conversations of others around me and I say to myself. Don't they understand ... the world has stopped. But is hasn't stopped for them ... Chad is my son ... not theirs.
Always hoping the best for you,
I am so sorry for the loss of your son. So very sorry. I too lost my boy in 09. September 4th to be exact. Nine months ago today. He died at the scene of a car accident on a bright friday evening on the start of Labor Day weekend. That boy was and is my heart and soul. He was one of four that I cherish and love ... oh but between Chad and I there was something special.
I echo your thoughts and feelings. I would die for any of my kids but you wake up every day and say "nothing matters". Its just a day to get through. It's like the world is muted now. Like a tv set gone from color to black and white. There maybe some good shows playing but who's watching. The glitter, the excitement, the innocence is gone.
I have the hope that someday I will know that all I am and all I ever hope to be is because of the love I share with this young man. That bond will not be broken. I won't let it.
I am so proud of that kid; and his brother and sisters. I want him back; I know that not possible.
I am his mom. I was supposed to protect him. I wasn't there when he needed me. I know realistically that I couldn't have been ... he was an 18 year old young man living his life three months after his high school graduation ... but tell my heart that. That's another story.
God bless you, Skip. Know you are not alone. I am so sorry. I know you know your son loved you. In your darkest moments try to remember you gave him the gift of unconditional love and he gave it back to you.
Please read about my son at www.chadarthurholbrook.com