Hi Steve, I am not a very reliios person either, my wife was even less so. I lost my wife,she was just 55 after a few years of a terrible illness,then 13 months later my mom passed away afer a year filled with medical issues. They were both good people, so i also feel life isnt fair. All I can say is to try to lose you aqnger,because mthis can make you sick. I try to remember the good times,not the last terrbile times. It hard,but good memories bring a smile to my face.Stay strong,Jerry

Dear Steve, I have one dear friend who sounds so similar to yours, and says the same thing to me, she is precious.  I went to my first bereavement group tonight.  Not sure if it is right for me, I find so much support from this group that I think it is all that I need, but I will give it a shot.  A couple of the ladies though talked about just what you bring up, the same feelings of people saying things to them, and they should 'be over it'.  Thankfully I haven't had anyone say that directly to me, because I sure don't know what I would say back!

I would seek out compassionate people who are not trying to fix you, but will walk with you through your painful journey and just 'be' there for you.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Dear Steve, I have one dear friend who sounds so similar to yours, and says the same thing to me, she is precious.  I went to my first bereavement group tonight.  Not sure if it is right for me, I find so much support from this group that I think it is all that I need, but I will give it a shot.  A couple of the ladies though talked about just what you bring up, the same feelings of people saying things to them, and they should 'be over it'.  Thankfully I haven't had anyone say that directly to me, because I sure don't know what I would say back!

I would seek out compassionate people who are not trying to fix you, but will walk with you through your painful journey and just 'be' there for you.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Hello Steve, I just read your post re: how to make someone who doesn't get it, get it. I don't think it's possible. Also, to make someone get it means they would understand the true depth of pain, suffering, sorrow/grief of this loss and I would not wish that on anyone. There are a few very close to me that were completely clueless & others who had some previous experience of loss of friends or even relatives, but not a spouse or life partner, and I told them I felt like a siamese twin whose other half had died. That is really the truth, or it was at the time. I have said I feel like a zombie forced to live even though I am now dead. Also how I have felt many times. These visuals help them to realize death of a spouse is ugly, dark and bizarre and definitly not easy to overcome. That shuts people up pretty quick. I don't know if it just scares the poo out of them or what. To the rest of the world who dares to ask me I tell them it simply "sucks" living without my better half. Unlike many well mannered widows/widowers on here I have no intention of putting a smile on my face & pretending I'm o.k. just to make nice. I owe it to myself & others to be polite & honest when possible.

I hope I didn't say too much. I hope this helps you express yourself however you see fit. Best regards~ Christy

 

 

STEVE I THINK THAT YOUR DISCUSSION WAS A GOOD SUBJECT. YOU SEE HOW PEOPLE DEAL WITH THEIR SPOUSES CLOTHES ETC. THE DAY AFTER GEORGE PASSED I WENT INTO HIS CLOSET WITH MY SISTER AND TOOK ALL HIS CLOTHES OUT OF IT.GAVE THEM TO PEOPLE THAT COULD USE THEM I AM NOT SAYING I WAS WRONG THIS IS THE WAY I HAD TO DEAL WITH HIS DEATH ANGER. I DID SAVE A FEW THINGS I STILL WEAR HIS SOCKS HE NEVER EVEN OPENED

Steve, know that your posts are read by many people. Often many aren't able to comment right away because their own pains are relived, but they will. We all pray for one another and send lots of hugs because hugs are good. People who have not suffered the loss of a spouse cannot in any way understand how very different it is than losing a parent or a child or (a dog). I have been divorced and it doesn't compare either. I guess its mostly the finality of it. We put alot of hopes and dreams and forevers into that person and now they are all gone and we have to figure out how to continue our path without them. We will move on and we will make new lives but they will never be forgotten (and thats okay). If you click on anyones pictures and things on the posts, it will take you to their pages and many have shared their heartwrenching stories. Feel free to check us out and accept our friendships as you feel lead. Ask and say anything.