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At 10:06am on January 8, 2018, Mary. Jane said…

You are very welcome. I hope you will have the courage to post on Bereaved Spouses....please don,t be afraid to share...but, then again...it has only been 3 weeks...I think you are incredibly brave for coming here so soon. When my husband died, I was initially in shock etc...but then I wasn,t...I spent the first year after he died, basically in La La land...announcing to all that I was fine...because I honestly believed this was all one very bad dream, and he was on one long trip, and any day he would waltz back through the door saying “I’m home..did you miss me?”  Oh course way deep down I knew he was really gone forever...but now I know I had something called delayed grief. Somewhere around March 2017 I “woke up” and realized this was all real.  It wasn,t pleasant. 

Tammy, BOb and I retired to Oklahoma 14 years ago...leaving my only daughter and all my friends in California. Also, we never threw anything out. I am 71, 4’9”  121 pounds, with arthritis and something called Epstein Barr Virus, which is a nasty little thing akin to Mononucleosis ...and I am frozen...I cannot even do the simplest of things,to move back to California. I look around, and try to start sorting through stuff, and I cannot do it. This was our life...and now it is gone, and somehow I have to make a new life for myself. ALSO, I DON’T DRIVE! So that is my life now. I know eventually I will go home, but although you would never guess I am that old I know I don,t have more than 15 good years left..and, of course, all these little things around the house each one carries a memory of BOb with it...

The reason I just told you all that, is to sort of introduce myself. I have a daughter who looks around your age, no grandchildren...so if you need to vent..and don,t feel comfortable sharing on the main group, you are very welcome to vent to me, if you wish.  I hope you have a personal support group surrounding you...and you DON’T have to respond to this message. I wish you all the best.

M J 

At 8:44pm on January 7, 2018, Mary. Jane said…

Hello Tammy

i amMary Jane...and I am welcoming you to Legacy. I am so very sorry your partner died. I,promise you, this is a good place, with wonderful,people full and kindness, caring, and support. My husband died almost 2 years ago, after 4 months of cancer, after nearly 49 years of marriage...but I DIDN,t find this place until last Spring. It has been a lifeline for me, and all the others here.

i am going to sort of direct you to the group Bereved Spouses...the word “spouse”is used loosely...there you will find many many people like us, who have lost the partner they loved...good people who understand what we are going through, as they are experiencing the same thing. Some recently, some for years. 

You can pour your heart out, your feelings, your grief...the horrible pain you are feeling, and we understand. 

This site works best if we all post “in a row” so I urge you to find that group and you will find you have come home, so to speak. It doesn,t matter what the post before you was, just kinda jump in and share anything you are feeling...anytime...and we will be there to help you through this nightmare.

( I had a little trouble posting when I first got here, which is why I am telling you this)

Again, I am so very sorry and I hope I can help you in any way. 


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