Tara, it is indeed heartbreaking to lose your mother and especially hard on you for it to happen so fast. You had little time to even process what was going on, let alone to accept any of it. Don't let anyone, even family members who might mean well, put a timetable onto your grief. It will take as long as it takes for you to feel anywhere near normal again. You can't rush it. I am still grieving the loss of my mother in 2008 and my mother-in-law in 2009, less than one year apart. I do understand when you say you have no support nearby in California. Are you new there? I know that sometimes military families do have support groups to help folks like you who have no family members near them. If there is any way you can find one of these groups or programs, it might help. At least you will be able to talk with people going through similar things; they might understand. You will want to find a way to honor your mother's memory and in time, to think about her with a smile instead of with tears at your loss. It just hurts too much at first. This online community is filled with folks who understand that, so I hope that gives you some comfort. If you are a person who prays, try to spend some time doing that and ask for peace of heart and mind. Spend lots of time with your kids and anyone whose company you value. Your mom's love lives on in you and your family and friends. Celebrate that as often as you can. You have my sincerest sympathies for your devastating loss.
Take care of yourself!
Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my father 3/14/2010 and it was devastating. He was 71. It was real traumatic for me to allow them to turn off the meds that was sustaining his life and to watch him take his last breath 4 hrs later. The world didn't feel right without my father in it. He was my biggest fan and supporter in this world. I cried for 2 months. I am really better now. Time will help you also. I really believe some of my really hard wailing help me. I still tear up but I don't feel totally drained and devastated anymore. It was like that for me every day for a while. I hope you believe in God and know she is in a better place now. Here is a link to a youtube vid that many find comforting A Father's Love. I know a quick loss is hard also. My father went in the hospital Tues and passed away Sun. Again I am sorry to hear of your loss.