I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. When my husband collapsed here at home I thought for sure they would have to hospitalize him, but I didn't think for even a minute that he would leave me. I miss him so very much. My heart goes out to you.
Don't you wish they made a pill you could just swallow and make everything better? I know the loneliness you are feeling. I call it "aloneness" because I am not lonely for people, but just for my late husband, Skip. I talked to a widow of six years a few days ago and she told me the best advice she had to give me was not to fight my feelings. Don't hold back or try to ignore them. Cry, get angry, or whatever I felt.
I lost my husband Jan 2009 after 40+ years of marriage, but had known him since I was 6 yrs old.
You have a hard road ahead of you. I am still trying to cope. Lately, I have missed him more than ever. At first, there was so much to take care of and then when that was done, the pain and heartache really set in. Friends and family do all they can for you, but I believe we just have to experience every phase of grief which is different for each of us. We each have to find our own way of dealing with it. Everyday is a challenge to just get out of bed. I went to a therapist who helped a lot in the first stages. You might think about finding a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. You will ask yourself many times, "How do I get through this?" I wish I had the answer for both of us. Do find a friend or someone who will just let you talk about your husband. Share how you feel, really feel. Someone who cares and will listen. Cry as much as you need. There is no easy fix for the pain and heartache you feel. Do remember that the pain you feel is because you had someone in your life you loved and who loved you. Some people never get to have that relationship. You are grieving not for just the loss, but what went before. The love, friendship and companionship of someone special and that is something to treasure. Hang in there! They tell me is DOES get better.
Treva, I feel your pain, but you will find the strength to go on with your life. Time is a wonderful healer. Surround yourself with family and friends, but also allow time alone. May god bless you and keep you safe. Cathy