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what am i supposed to learn from all this?

Posted on June 17, 2010 at 4:00am 0 Comments

so is this how it is going to be?I miss my dad everyday and it hurts like hell. I look at his pictures and cannot stop crying. He died on 27 feb 2010. It has been 3 and a half months already but i feel like i am stuck on 27 Feb. 8:15am,my life stopped. The life that i knew, gone. Evaporated into nothing in one minute.

He was on the ventilator for a week before he passed away, writhing and unconscious. He did open his eyes one day and was conscious for 1 day. The doctor told us to take it… Continue

I miss my dad today

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 11:57pm 0 Comments

Had a tough day. The guy i really liked for 2 years is going out with someone else. He was a friend who had been there for me when my dad passed away 2 months ago.

I was in love with him even before dad's illness was diagnosed. My friend knew about my feelings and we had kissed once.

And i find out from someone that he has been dating a girl for the past one year and he never told me. I am hurt and upset and i miss my father.

Every little hurt seems to go back to my father.… Continue

i have changed, i miss my father.

Posted on May 13, 2010 at 7:19am 2 Comments

So i am sitting in office. Not much work today and i feel so lost in my life it is not funny. My father passed away 2 months ago and i was his primary caretaker for one year. I am a 23-year-old woman.

I stare blankly at this screen wondering where i am going in my life. My father was my rock in a way. Now i feel adrift.

I am doing fine though. not as bad one would imagine. But still there is a sadness sitting inside of me that refuses to leave.

I miss my father. I cannot believe… Continue

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At 6:34am on April 1, 2010, Tina said…
I so understand, my dad passed away on March 9th this year- He was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer April 2008, but it was found early and they did surgery and he was cancer free for over 1 1/2 years. My mom died suddenly in October 2009 from a stroke and my dad cancer returned in November. I was his primary caregiver, he was at his home with hospice coming twice a week. It's the best gift I could give him and myself the 4 months we spent together, but now I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my life and I draw back to the days in his house and his final days. There is a grief support group starting at a church in my area the middle of April and I am hoping to go to that. I haven't mourn my mom yet, because I went into caring for my dad just weeks after my mom's funeral. Too much some days, but with good friends and alot of prayer I hope to make it through one day at a time. This week was my first week back at work and to say I'm exhausted would be an understatement, but fortunately it is a 4 day work week with Good Friday, so I look forward to extra sleep tomorrow. We can make it through with the support of one another on this site. My prayers are with you. Tina
At 2:13pm on March 29, 2010, Judy said…
I know how you feel. My Dad died 10 years ago, cancer of the prostate, and it spread through his body too. He was on chemo for 3 years, we had hospice come to the house, as my Mom was his caregiver, and it took a lot out of her. Now, this past January, I lost her too. She went in for a pacemaker replacement, 12 days later she's gone. She too was on a ventilator, her kidneys shut down and we had to make the decision to take her off. It doesn't get any easier, just hang in there! My prayers are with you.

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