Dearest Vicki; I am so sorry for your loss; I lost my father over 40 years ago and I just let go of the guilt 40 years later. Believe me it is not a good feeling and I pray that God will take the guilt away and believe me He will. But on your part you must get help along with praying that God fill that void in your life. Seek help while you pray. You cannot do this on your own. Please write me back and let's talk more about the guilt. My father shot himself in my presence and I felt that it was my fault because if I had only stopped him when I was 15 years old I could have saved him.