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Learning curve...

Posted on November 16, 2010 at 4:31am 2 Comments 0 Likes

I learnt a lot last week... My husband and I went on holiday for a week with good friends and their 2 year old daughter. She is the same age now that Matthew was when he died. It was a very difficult week for me.

I came to realise that I really, really need my own space, I need my dogs and their constant affection and I desperately need to be in control of my surroundings and my day. Add that all up and I become an unwelcome guest on what should have been a week full of fun. I found… Continue

Matthew's 3rd Birthday

Posted on June 15, 2010 at 3:00am 0 Comments 0 Likes

Today would have been Matthew's 3rd birthday. While it feels extremely empty not having an excited little boy to open his presents and be made a fuss of, it's not as bad as the last 2 weeks have been. The buildup and anticipation of not being able to celebrate my little boy's birthday was a lot worse than today is... so far...

We adopted a Bongo at the zoo in Matthew's memory. We are going to visit our Bongo, Abu, today - even though it is the coldest day of the year! We need to feel close… Continue

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At 11:12am on December 29, 2010, Terri Kuta said…: Hi Wendy:

Matthew was such a beautiful child, I lost my youngest boy november 19th of this year and I have found out that you do what you have to do to survive and if that's just you and your husband than so be it. Jonathan had a dog that he loved so much we always teased him that we are going to tell all his friends that was his girlfriend, since his passing see will not go into his room at all and won't leave my side. When I get to the point of i don't think i can do this anylonger without him Zoey will always come and start kissing me or whinning its like she knows how much i miss him and just holdig her helps me to get past that moment, I hope your dogs does the sames. This group has helped me alot and I hope it helps you also.

At 8:35am on December 29, 2010, Janet - Todd's Mom said…: Hi Wendy, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sweet little boy. I lost my son a year and 6 months ago and it's getting more difficult, perhaps because the shock is wearing off and the pain is even more intense. If I've learned anything from this site it's that we shouldn't try to run around pleasing others all the time. It's too much. When things go wrong I just cry and cry, thinking how my son Todd would have made me laugh at myself instead of me being so annoyed. After such a horrendous loss, we need to do whatever it is we need to survive. I too find that I need my space. My son loved animals, especially cats, and our Siberian Husky, I think because she reminded him of a wolf, a cuddly, misunderstood wolf. Walking with her in the woods gives me some comfort because dogs enjoy the simple things in life....like a good walk. What a wonderful idea to adopt a Bongo in Matthew's memory. Hugs to you. Janet

At 10:31am on July 16, 2010, niki corona said…: hello wendy,as a parent also i understand your loss but never think negative because that is what spoils life .we are are here for a reason some here for a lifetime and for a moment but all the same here from love! i miss our son jacob when he passed to heaven gates on june 10,2010 i was 7 months but so blessed to carry him now in heaven gates serving god.its hard so i take one day at a time our children are fine in heaven gates we are still here to serve on earth and enjoy life not to forget our loved ones.god does not do things in our life to hurt us he choses those for his kingdom .i read others thoughts and i know im not alone but helps me that life is good and im so blessed to have my husband to help me when im weak.your in my prayers and god bless-niki

At 12:36pm on June 15, 2010, neicy said…: Hello Wendy .
I am so sorry for your loss and i am sorry that you don't have Matthew to spoil today . but we can all still sing happy birthday to him . how sweet of you to adopt a bongo , which I had to google to see what it was . was that his favorite animal ? Greg's birthday will be in a few weeks he would have been 27 . you and your family will be in my prayers have a peaceful day
((((hugs)))
Neicy

At 7:18am on May 6, 2010, jennifer said…: it is the worst thing for a parent to go through,we r supposed to die b4 or babies but i guess god needed more angels and what helps me is to know that caden has no more medical problems and he is ok and waiting for me

At 10:08pm on May 5, 2010, jennifer said…: i am so sorry for your loss,who would have thought that we would bury one of our babies before it was supposed to be,but they say god takes you when it is time,there is nothing that i can say that will make the pain easier but just know that he is smiling down on you and waiting for the day for you to join him..my 2yr old son caden was murdered last yr so i know that his birthday was or will be the hardest and so will some of the holidays

At 11:08am on March 19, 2010, Lisa Hobrook said…: I am so sorry Wendy. I need to say those words to my son again too; even though I know he knew it.

I try to push the flashbacks away. When the start to enter my mind I say "push, push, push". The sad part of that is that I think sometimes I push precious memories of my son away too. But the pain is so bad. I don't know what else to do.

I love him so.

Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.

Lisa (Chad's mom)

At 11:56am on March 1, 2010, Lisa Hobrook said…: Wendy,
You never have to worry whether your post is "too long". You have every right to go on as long as you need to. That is why we are all here.

You are right, even though we share the death of a child, we share different circumstances and different relationships.

I want to say how very sorry I am to you and your husband on the loss of your precious two year old child. Even though the cause of the fire was not your fault, your mind will not let you off that easy. We find our way to feel guilt over anything when it comes to losing our child.

I lost my 18 year old son, Chad, on 9/4/09; the start of Labor Day weekend. How I love that boy; the closeness we shared, the life we shared together with my husband and three other precious children. He had just graduated from high school and had so many hopes and dreams for his future as did I.

I know that as a parent you had hopes and dreams for your son. Most of all you had a mother's love for your child.

Even though my son was 18, and I know you can't always be with your child, I too feel guilt that after all those years of protecting him, I wasn't there when he needed me. I know you feel the same. I am so sorry.

Lisa (Chad's Mom)