Jaime,

Have a good night if possible. I wish you peace and good dreams.

Julie

Jaime, I have always dreamed a lot, too and have always been interested in them. I would love to dream of Charlie every night but that doesn't happen. I have found that if you ask God and your loved one for a dream (especially asking for a specific answer) and then try to fall asleep remembering something good in your past, You are more likely get a dream with some answers. I do dream of Charlie often, but most of them are just dreams. The dreams that I consider contact dreams are much more intense and in them I can usually physically feel him.

With six kids you will probably have many milestones that will make you wish Chris was there to share them. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that but glad you have them.

Jaime, if you're crazy then so am I. I'm a lot older than you, but that doesn't make any difference in the grief department. Charlie and I have been married for 45 years. Because of a genetic disease he needed a lung transplant almost 9 years ago. I did a lot of caregiving before and after the transplant, but then we got a new life. It's lucky when lung transplant patients survive more than 5 years. I guess after we passed that mark we got a little complacent. I think we always knew he didn't have a lot longer but I think we always pictured a return of his lung problems and a slow decline. I was ready to retire and close my business. We started an 8 week sale March 3. About  2weeks into it he fell and broke his wrist. What should have been routine surgery turned into a nightmare. Because he was on anti rejection drugs, he had no immune system. Everything that could go wrong did. We spent almost a month in an ICU out of state always hoping he was going to pull through. Finally I had to make the decision to let him go. They took him of the ventilator and gave him pain meds. I never left him. He died 30 hours later with me holding on to him and telling him how much I loved him. I remember his last breath.

We were never able to have children so I am glad you have yours to live for. I don't know how you can do it, though. Your own grief is so overwhelming and you need to be able to experience it.

I am very alone, but I come here because I can say whatever I want and no one will call me crazy.

I keep thinking Charlie is coming back, too. I live on a farm and everytime I see or hear a car on the road, for a second , I think/hope it is him.Ssome of the others have problems sleeping. I do okay, because I believe he comes to me every night. I know I can feel him on the bed and I have had 5 dreams that made me feel like he was contacting me. Anyway, sleep is my refuge.

Thanks for friending me. I hope we can be of some comfort to each other. I'll pray that you can be there for your kids while taking care of your own grief.

Julie