Jennifer, I am so sorry for your lost. Jaysa is beautiful. I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

Janice

Jennifer,

Reading your comment brought back such intense feelings over my own loss of my baby girl just one year ago. She was six weeks old. I remember being in a fog for a long time. I also remember being institutionalized by my shrink three months after Sophia died. I had a complete breakdown and intended taking my life. Apparently I said it just as simple as that during a session that  landed me in the ER. They say the grief comes in waves. Initial shock, three months, six months, nine months and then at the year. The truth is that every tenth day of the month I was a wreck, because she died on May 10. Then every Monday became an issue because that was the day, then 2:11 pm still haunts me because that was the last time I saw the clock that fateful day.

Don't let anyone give you a time frame to feel better, that will come at your own pace. Scream, cry, throw things...it helped me a bunch. I can only say that I am so trully sorry that this happened to you. To any of us. I find strength here but I am not posting often, I still am more angry than anything and I seem to take things out of context. I just come to find some words of wisdom, nod in a greement to different comments or to just KNOW that someone out there feels my pain.

We are all here for you.

Lindsay

Hello Jennifer,

Seeing your comment brought tears to my eyes. I felt the same when my 2 year old died - I simply didn't know what to do with my hands, the hands that were so busy with the young child. I found comfort by going to a wonderful support group (The Compassionate Friends) in Manhattan. Though this worked for me, it did not work for my husband - it made him feel worse, so I used to go alone.

Though it is so hard to look at pictures and her clothing/toys etc., my one advice would be not to give them away yet. People who don't know may tell you to get rid of these things, but later you wish you had them and then you suffer because you gave them away. I kept my son's things and during my healing process, I gave away a few at a time. I kept one memory box with reminders of his favorite clothing, shoes, things he wore for his first photo etc. Losing a young child is quite different than losing an older child, as there is no-one else (their friends, their teachers, classmates etc.) - you are the only one that knew this precious child well. I found one friend who also lost a young child and we often felt that the 2 of us were set apart, but actually we only suffer differently, not less or more than anyone else. Each one's loss is their greatest.

Guilt is normal and no matter what you do or don't do, you'll find a way to feel guilty. Just know we all felt and still feel that. It is worst when it is all new as it is not familiar. Later we deal with it by experience, sadly this is one thing no one wants to have experience with.

My prayers and thoughts will be with you in a special way today.

Hugs to you and Jaysa.

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Jaysa. I have lost both an infant son and my oldest son who was 37 when he died. Your life is forever changed and will always be bittersweet. My infant son, Noah, would have turned 30 this year and I still wonder what kind of man he would have been had he lived. Your grief is so fresh and it really will take a while for the reality to set in. I was breast feeding my baby and when he died I can still remember how hard it was to keep moving. I was just telling my daughter today about how hard it was to walk into the OB/GYN office and see all those happy women when I was there for a shot to dry up my milk. I also got pregnant within 4 months of my loss and it was so very hard because I was so afraid I would lose him too. I'd love to hear all about your daughter. If you like to email me, my email is kathymook@msn.com. I'll be praying for the Lord to wrap His loving arma around you as we all wish we could do. This sight has helped me through my recent loss and my husband and I went to a bereaved parents group when we lost Noah. It really helped. Tears are healing. Hugs of Hope, Kathy

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Jaysa. I have lost both an infant son and my oldest son who was 37 when he died. Your life is forever changed and will always be bittersweet. My infant son, Noah, would have turned 30 this year and I still wonder what kind of man he would have been had he lived. Your grief is so fresh and it really will take a while for the reality to set in. I was breast feeding my baby and when he died I can still remember how hard it was to keep moving. I was just telling my daughter today about how hard it was to walk into the OB/GYN office and see all those happy women when I was there for a shot to dry up my milk. I also got pregnant within 4 months of my loss and it was so very hard because I was so afraid I would lose him too. I'd love to hear all about your daughter. If you like to email me, my email is kathymook@msn.com. I'll be praying for the Lord to wrap His loving arma around you as we all wish we could do. This sight has helped me through my recent loss and my husband and I went to a bereaved parents group when we lost Noah. It really helped. Tears are healing. Hugs of Hope, Kathy

Dear Jennifer - I am so very sorry for your loss.  Please know that all of us here, with the exception of possibly the person who posted below.  My only child, my son Tyler, died on 01/26/10.  He was 24 years old.  Age does not matter.  They are our children and this should never happen.  We all suffer as you do and pray for one another, and offer each other all the hope we can give.  My prayers are with you, your family, and your little angel.  I will ask my angel Tyler to embrace her and welcome her to heaven. 

JoAnn