i had my first child (who i prayed for after brother died to help heal my heart) on sept 13th 2010....and she is such a blessing and brings joy to me yet is yet another big event that he missed,that i cant share with him...thru labor i missed our mother who passed ten years ago...then daughter was here and ive cried awful because my little brother is gone and she will never know this person i love so dearly...sigh
I am so sorry about your loss. It truly breaks my heart. It sounds like the bonds we had were very similar with our brothers. I miscarried with my first child in August, and Robby was my rock when I needed him most. He always told me that he couldn't wait to meet my children. :) In a way your pregnancy should make your heart hurt less. I hope it is a boy, that way when you look at him, you can remember your brother. My husband was born 3 months early, and the night his grandfather died, was the night that he was able to breathe on his own for the first time, and was able to go home a short time later. I don't know your beliefs, but maybe a piece of your brother will shine in your baby. I have to remind myself to see any good that I can, like Robby did not feel any pain. He was here one second and gone the next. That I was able to have those memories with him, and know that he loved me as much as he did. They may still make you sad now, but in the future they may help. If you ever want to talk, please email me, or post on my wall or whatever! *Virtual Hug*
lost my little brother oct 10 2009 and I cant seem to accept it; he was always my favorite and I said it out loud to him all the time we had a bond I will never have with anyone else. Its so hard because I was so upset after he passed I was thinking bad thoughts and our last conversation he had talked about how awesome it was going to be when I had my own children, because I had been telling him I was ready to start-and he had a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old so he happy to hear I was going to be trying for kids--well about a week after I started thinking bad thoughts about not being bale to deal with himbeing gone, I started getting sick in the mornings I thought was from nerves, bad sleeping going on,etc. Now I am pregnant and mad that hes not here to share this with me, and feel selfish for that but I feel so gipped and abandoned. He was my closest family member thru and thru and we lost our mom when we were both teenagers so this just is too much for my heart to handle. My faith faltered but now I think my baby is supposed to help heal my heart, and yet I am so depressed I cant seem to see the joy in it more than a few moments a day if im lucky. I feel so lost and alone because we were supposed to grow old together and so many memories just stolen,lost,gone. I cry so much for him I feel like I cant find peace.