In addition to my last comment, I, too, am confused about many things (I don't know what, though). I am trying to take life one day at a time. If you would like to write back, feel free to do so. Hang in there.
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother's death. My grandmother, who lived with me for many years, passed away two months ago. I understand what you are going through. In the mornings, I have a difficult time waking up because I know that she will not be there and at night when I go to bed, it's hard. I am glad that you wrote; it shows that I am not alone.