Please don't think I am judging you, and as I re-read your message, you said your stepdaughter's significant other, not husband, my apologies. You will get those "little voices" of negativity (blame) all the time, I read in a book recently that 84% of the some 2000 words per minute that run through our minds are negative, and it is a real talent to overcome them with positive thoughts. Reliving what might have helped if... or maybe I should have... will not change anything except to bring you down. As hard as it is going to sound, when you think of her (all the time) you must think of a good time you had, and know that her spirit is now with God waiting for your reunion when you too get to be with our Lord.
Right now it's all you can do to deal with losing your Daughter, but a step daughter's husband is family too. you only can do what you can... just ask them to understand you are still torn up inside and can't take on anymore just yet, but don't hold blame for their "insensitivity" for your daughter, some people just hold everything in when they don't know what is "right" to say, ok?Just ask them to be patient and you will do what you can when you can and really cannot offer anything more.....keep comiing here to share and others may offer some advice also. There are still people blaming each other for Charlie's death but it was between him and God at that poimt.
I sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My daugther was much like your daughter. She was in alot of pain mostly emotionally and would self medicate with alchol. She died 7/27/2009 from the mixture of alchol and medication. No note explaining why. She had attempted before. Always when she was drunk. She was 28 years old. Life was hard for her. I miss her even though now I don't have to worry about her, knowing that I won't have those phone calls anymore in the middle of the night. I just read this today "you did what you could" I sincerely hope I did. I said alot of the same thing you said. I can relate. My daughter had no kids so I have no granddaughter to remind me of my daughter. Your daughter is watching over her daughter while she is resting in peace in Heaven.
I went to take the flowers and "trinkets" off my Charlie's grave today, as they clean the cemetary every other month and throw away what they feel is clutter...Charlie took his life at age 23 on July 4th this year. Like your daughter he battled drugs alcohol and depression for a few years before ending his life to end the pain. He wrote notes before but that night he did not. My friend who is a clinical physcologist says that is common to not leave a note if they are sure they are "done" fighting. I know none of this takes away any of your pain but coming here and writing how you feel really helps. I know I found this sight just days after he went to God and have been here ever since.