sweet lady I am so sorry for your loss I know your pain .we love our babys even when they do things that hurt us.we try to teach our babys the best we know how .rest easy you are not alone .I am sorry i havent responed before now .Its been 10 years and 19 days since My Mark left me . I miss him today just as I missed him 10 years ago the pain is stil my constand companion .I want tell you it getts easier .I want tell you the pain will get less it doesnt . We just bury it a little deeper everyday but it still right there we will feel it with every breathe we take every step we carrie it it is who we are now . My Daught Amy calls it our shadow shaw we wear it always . My son Tommy has moved away he is running from the pain but I know no matter where he goes his pain is still right there in the mirror .Tommy and Mark looked like twins most could not tell them apart .Tommy said every time I look in the mirror to shave I see Mark and the pain is still as raw as the day he left .I have been so wraped up in my shaw of pain that I cant help my kids .the are grown but we are all stuck in this darkness of pain and loss .and every one around us seems to have moved on but for us there is no road out of this pain.10 years and still tears pain just as raw as the day he left . God Help us alll . I wish I could give you compfort I wish for words of love and peace in your hearts But that well is dry .our babys are gone but the love we care for them is always with us  . .poeple have told me its time to move on . I tell them there is no time limit on my pain  my loss my love or my tears so cry if you need to are do.but dont let anyone tell you when are how .and know that you are not alone .

Valerie,  I have just found this site.  I am so sorry for your horrible loss and I could relate to your experience.  We lost our 20 year old son, Collin, 3 weeks ago today.   The pain is unbearable.  He was such a good kid!   I am having such trouble coping.....I will never be the same.   I just want so much that something positive can come from our incredible loss.  I knew he smoked marijuana in High School.   He would argue with me that it was harmless...should be legalized....everyone used it.....   I would argue that it would lead to worse.  He always told me not to worry.  I suspected pills at one point but he denied it.  I tested him occassionaly because I worried endlessly about him.  Nothing ever showed except marijuana.   He was a big kid with an even bigger heart.     He had just gone upstairs for bed after telling me he was going to visit and help his grandpa before work the next day.   I found him on the bathroom floor. They weren't able to revive him.  They told me later there was a needle still in his arm.  I couldn't believe it.  He would get light headed if they had to draw blood at the doctors.  Such a sweet kid.  If I had only known!   I would have done anything to help him.   I'm not sure what I'm hoping for but I thought it may help to comment with others who have been through this.    

Hi Valerie....I know tomorrow is Dusty's Angel B-day.  i Iill have you in my thoughts and prayers.  I am hoping you are ok I don't see posts from you anymore.  Just know we are all there with you.

Hugs on March 1st

Susan