February 2010 Blog Posts (99)

My life with out my beloved angel

My baby girl Brianna was born full term Oct 7th,2003.She later died at 10 days of age from a heart defect.It was thee worst day of my entire life.Here it is now,6 1/2 years later and I find myself still struggling over her loss.I recently started couseling.For the 1st time since she died,I was able to openly talk about my pain.Its like a pain in your heart that never goes away.I just joined this site after learning a friend passed away.Maybe he was… Continue

Added by Carol...mommy of Brianna on February 7, 2010 at 8:40pm — 5 Comments

New to this site

Hello everyone, Like I said in my comment I left (and thank you so much for the folks that answered), I haven't figured out the in's & out's of the different terms, groups, etc. on this site. Now, would someone kindly tell me the difference between a blog & a comment? Are they treated differently, are they routed to different places etc? What I have figured out about this site in the short time I've used it is that I LOVE IT - IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!! THERE ARE SO MANY… Continue

Added by Jan Hoyle on February 7, 2010 at 5:10pm — 1 Comment

Grandson

Still missing my grandson who took his own life the end of August. Have nightmares about him all the time and wonder if there is anything I can do to change this. Think I am still feeling guilt as he had lived with me for the past 7 years and been my constand companion since my husband died four years ago. He was a young man who had a great job, many "toys" which he had earned, was planning to buy my home and share it with his wonderful girlfriend. He had been having panic attacks for 2 weeks,… Continue

Added by Mary Pat on February 7, 2010 at 6:49am — No Comments

Too hard to accept...

I lost my mother almost 3 weeks ago. She died suddenly from torn heart artery following a stroke, we though she'd be ok cause she was still conscious at the hospital after suffering those two things but then 2 days later she went into cardiac arrest and died. Doctors stated they are suprised she even made it 2 more days after those two major episodes. I still find myself in shock in disbelief. I hate this time of my life, i feel so lost and confused. My mom was 62 and im a 36 yr old single… Continue

Added by claudia minjares on February 7, 2010 at 4:59am — No Comments

My heart breaks for all grieving Mommas

To all who have lost a child,

I don't know what to say or how to say it as I am sitting here at my computer crying uncontrollably once again, not just for myself and my loss but for all of you that I read about and the desperation and grief I feel with you. My son turned 16 on Nov. 30th, 2009. He was the light of my life. My only reason to live this life. He gave to me joy, laughter, future, comfort, and a friendship that went beyond the 'parental' relationship. We did everything together… Continue

Added by Laura Smith on February 6, 2010 at 9:34pm — 4 Comments

Dreams

I dreamed about him again last night. That's two nights in a row that I'm aware of and remember. Last night I think it was more about him being him instead of him representing the missing part of me. I don't remember much of the dream, I just remember being on the bed, watching him get dressed, like I did a thousand times when he was alive. And I knew that he was dead, because I had that sense of heartlonging loss as I watched him, knowing that even though it was something we had done thousands… Continue

Added by Chris B on February 6, 2010 at 9:54am — 1 Comment

miss my husband and daughter

It's been two years and six months since I lost my husband and one year and eleven months since I lost my daughter. Each day is so painful I wonder how or if I will make it through this day. Then somehow I seem to. One thing that has helped is my faith. I joined the Mormon Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) and their beliefs in Jesus Christ, the after life and the pre-existence has given me courage to go on, endure to the end. I miss my husband so much, he was my sole… Continue

Added by Georgia Fuentes on February 5, 2010 at 11:30pm — No Comments

Close My Eyes Forever

If I close my eyes forever,

Would it all remain unchanged?

If I close my eyes forever,

Would it all remain the same?

I don't know what's wrong with me. Is it shock? Is it denial? I don't know. It's almost like "pretending the last 17 years didn't happen" is better than dealing with the pain of remembering that he's gone. It's like the feeling I get when I go back to work after a two-week vacation. Work is so normal and familiar that it's like the vacation never… Continue

Added by Chris B on February 5, 2010 at 12:14am — No Comments

Sing It Baby...

I woke up with a huge hole in my heart this morning. I think I had a dream about Laura last night...but I can't tell if it actually happened or if I wanted it to have happened. It doesn't much matter because in the end it made me miss her again and it was all I could do to get out of bed and start the day.

I muddled through our morning routine...feeling that empty space all the while. I hated it. I wasn't the best dad either. I hated that… Continue

Added by Andrew Koehn on February 4, 2010 at 10:00pm — 6 Comments

Songs that make me cry

One of the things that my mom, sister and I used to do is to sing in the car. We would get our "microphones" out and just sing away. On Saturday my sister, Aunt and I went to watch my cousin's daughter in a dance competition. My sister and I love to sing along to the musical Rent. Seasons of Love was pretty hard but I got through it and we went on singing our hearts out. In the movie/musical there's a part that shows an AIDS support group. They all start singing this very simple yet beautiful… Continue

Added by Michelle on February 4, 2010 at 4:55pm — No Comments

Missing a love one

How do you heal a broken heart that has been shattered by the, "Death Angel'?

Added by cheryl autry on February 4, 2010 at 1:52pm — No Comments

How do you deal with not having your loved one anymore?

I lost my ex-husband, who I was still dating and don't know why he was my ex really, on October 18, 2009. His funeral was on the 21st, my birthday. He was killed in an auto accident unexpectedly. I am having a hard time dealing with it. He was my best friend and was always there for me no matter when or what it was I needed. He told always told me how much he loved me and worshiped me and I see now that he really did. I did not see how much he did before and all he wanted was for us to be… Continue

Added by Janie on February 4, 2010 at 12:53pm — No Comments

Getting help

I lost it at work today. For some reason I heard his voice telling me to stop chewing my lip (a bad habit he'd been trying to break me of for some time) and I completely lost it. Went into the bathroom at work and cried, trying not to be too loud because there was someone else in the bathroom. Freaking miserable.

Later that day I was going through my wallet for something and I found the card from the anniversary flowers he sent me last September, telling me that it's only been three… Continue

Added by Chris B on February 3, 2010 at 11:37pm — No Comments

dreamed before my son passed

I am new to the site: My son Jared and his friend alex were killed in a car accident aug 4, 2009. It has been six months.Please pray for us

Added by daphne holtz on February 3, 2010 at 12:30pm — 4 Comments

My Mother

I lost my mother on October 6, 2007. I was living with her because she had asked me to move in wiith her because she said she felt safer with me there. So, I sold my home and moved in with her. She had had a stroke in 2005 and was getting around o.k. with her walker and we still went to lunch on Saturdays after her beauty shop appointment, then church and lunch on Sundays. We were close all of my life - shopping together, eating together, going on trips together. I loved her so much. My father… Continue

Added by Patricia Burns on February 3, 2010 at 10:08am — No Comments

BE POLITE

PLEASE DO NOT CHAT FOR 30 MIN TO THE FAMILY OF THE DECEASED DURING VISITATION THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR PLACE FOR SUCH THINGS, TELL THEM "YOUR SORRY FOR THEIR LOSS AND YOU WILL SPEAK TO THEM LATER", IN MOST CASES THERE ARE MANY OTHER PEOPLE BEHIND YOU WAITING TO VIEW THE DECEASED AND SPEAK TO THE FAMILY AS WELL, TO ME THIS IS THE MOST RUDE THING TO DO AT FUNERALS/VISITATIONS. I HAVE HONESTLY BEEN BEHIND PEOPLE BEFORE AND WHEN THEY GOT UP TO THE FAMILY STARTED CHATTING ABOUT "THE GOOD OLE… Continue

Added by Holli Overton on February 3, 2010 at 10:03am — No Comments

4 mos and I still am depressed

I am so sick of it. I lost my mom in late Sept. I have done everything I can to get thru this and it's 4 mos later and I just can't take the emptimess I feel anymore.
I just want to die and not wake up. Everyone says it'll get better. I believed them and it hasn't. The calls and emails have stopped and when I do contact someone, it's as if they have moved on and I haven't. I am out of ideas. I just want to run.

Added by LGWilson on February 3, 2010 at 3:50am — 2 Comments

The Howl of Grief

There is a phase in the grief process that feels like fragmentation. There are few words that can describe the gut-wrenching pain of this part of grief. Many people say it's like their self is being torn apart or that the anguish they feel coursing through their body is unbearable.

While I believe everyone experiences grief uniquely, it has been my experience that making room for the expression of anguish and emotional pain, is critical to healing. I believe the rage and howl of… Continue

Added by David Fireman on February 2, 2010 at 7:00am — 2 Comments

In time...

It's been a little over a month and I miss my Mom. Her bill statements are being forwarded to me now and that is a bit difficult to deal with. I don't have time to shut down because the important bills have to be paid. Then too; I can't shut down in regards to dealing with my own lifes challenges and daily living. I'm doing a little more now at home. I did wash the clothes yesterday and cooked dinner. I folded the clothes, but have to put them up. I will try to do that tomorrow. *sigh* It's… Continue

Added by VLynne on February 2, 2010 at 3:37am — No Comments