On January 31, 2014 my partner of eight years had an argument because she had been cheating on me and I was DONE. During the night she was restless and kept waking me up wanting to know where my phone was or where the charger was. Then she said "You're gonna learn." She was alive when I left Saturday morning. She had written a note but my anger and hurt from her betrayal blinded me to the contents of the letter. I wrote her a letter back telling her to go be happy. I assumed she would be…

My mother always said, “Something good comes out of everything.” She admitted that it might be hard to see the good in the midst of a devastating experience, but she assured me that there is a silver lining somewhere. She gave my father’s death as an example. She always claimed that despite the debilitating loss, our immediate family developed and shared an intimate…

Sometimes death comes without warning, but at other times there is a period of pre-mourning.  For almost a decade before my husband’s suicide, he dealt with active Bipolar Disorder. His rapid cycling and bizarre episodes left us both drained.  He was at the mercy of his illness, and as I tried to help him and get help for him in every way I could, I was at the mercy of his illness as well.

This pre-mourning leaves us few resources with which to cope with grief.  Physically, I had used…

All of us have loss someone very close to us. We have loss moms, dads and sisters and brothers. We have lost husbands and wives. Losing a friend can be just as hard. Especially if that one has been there for you through thick and thin. So folks never take those positive influences for granted. (Proverbs 18:24)

Something about grief throws us off balance. While we think we can predict how we will react after times of loss, we don’t really know until it happens. And sometimes we aren’t aware that our reactions are causing us act in certain ways.

In the 20-plus years since my younger sister’s suicide, I can see one way…

Q. Can you have a funeral followed by a memorial service at a later date for the same loved one? I want a memorial service for my father on what would have been his birthday, although the funeral was eight months ago. Would it be appropriate? Will it make people sad?

The body…

At times people debate whether or not family members should be cremated.  When some people think about cremation, they think about "hell fire." At times, people can not afford the traditional open casket funeral and they decide to cremate their precious love one. It is so important that family talk about this in advance.. .saves many from pains and heartache. What is most important is that  relatives abide by the their (deceased)  wishes . Don't you agree? Advance Planning is…

 Two years ago, someone went into my son' home as he came in from work ad murdered him. I have been to counseling. I have seen a psychiatrist. I am a avid church goer, but I can't let him go.  am so troubled and in so much pain. I am very depressed and  While I don't contemplate suicide, I don't have the will to live anymore. I have another son,older and grandchildren,but my heart is too broken to even think of them. I pray and now I am tired of praying.And I am tired of talking to people…

Missing my mom terribly.



This is the time period when I was hospitalized where I was living in Hawaii for 8 weeks in 2006.  After one of my frequent monitoring ultrasounds, I was sent directly to the hospital and emergency admitted.  I was only 23 weeks into the pregnancy and I was terrified that I would lose my babies. I was on IVs, never once out of the bed, monitored continuously for contractions, the unborn babies' heart rates monitored for long periods at least three times a…

Q. My brother is now in hospice care, and I will be in charge of the funeral arrangements. Am I entitled to bereavement leave from my employer?

You probably are if you live in Oregon. Effective Jan. 1, 2014, Oregon became the first state to require employers with 25 or more employees that are subject to the Oregon Family Leave Act to offer up to two weeks of leave…

My mother died in May 2013 from an intra cranial hemorrhage.  It took a week for her heart to stop in the hospital comfort care ward, but she was never conscious or able to communicate with us after being taken for an immediate CAT scan upon arriving at the ER by ambulance.  She had said she had a headache and asked my father to get her a cool cloth.  My father did and then asked her some questions, which she could…

Among the survivors, obituaries usually mention the spouse, whether the “devoted wife,” “adoring husband,” “the loyal husband” or the “love of his/her life.” Occasionally, though, careful obituary readers will find poignant “valentines” or little love stories almost buried in the litany of jobs, accomplishments and hobbies.…

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There is no way to ever forget. Just go with it, do the deep work. Grieve. In your own way your own time, your own style. I choose to carry something of my Mom's every place i go. sometimes it is her cellphone. sometimes it is her picture, so i can take it out and talk to her. Really most of the time i just talk to God, and ask Him to send my love to her, because only He can, as He has her now. I wish i could hear her voice again, but…

My best friend, Patti's life was taken by her husband in a murder-suicide right before Christmas last year. She was the sweetest person anyone could know, and the youngest of 7 children in her family.

I was close to her and also her husband.  The sad thing is, is that I encouraged her to leave her husband, but she assured me that she was handling everything. Her husband had lost his job 2 years prior, and also had a drinking problem.  Obviously he was depressed, and I would call him…

A dear friend recently lost his father. His dad had a debilitating illness that lasted a decade. When a parent declines, and often the roles reverse, you grieve over time for the parent you have lost. You may assume that you have already mourned your loss, so it can be incredibly shocking to learn that after the death, the loss is piercingly painful.

I want to…