March 2010 Blog Posts (110)

DENIAL

I do not believe it, I just do not believe it. I am looking at pictures. Emerson is FINE, she is perfect, she is growing thriving, she has beautiful skin, full head of hair, shiny eyes. She is HEALTHY. What happened to her. How am I supposed to live without her. I do not want to live without her not even for a minute more. I need my baby. I am screaming inside. I am shattered. I do not want to try. I want her. I don't care what else I have to lose. I have lost everything. I lost my little girl.… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 25, 2010 at 11:30pm — 1 Comment

PIECES

I told the kids a story. I told them how when babies grow in their mommies belly they take a little piece of their mommy's heart and that is where their own heart grows from. The little piece they take from their mom grows with them and turns into their own heart and someday when they have babies those babies will get a little piece of their heart, which will be made from a little piece of mine and that is how we are all connected and why moms love their children more than anything in to world.… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 25, 2010 at 10:30pm — No Comments

Overwhelmed by Sadness

Posted by Janet on March 25, 2010 at 11:53am



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Delete Post Manage Blog At 5:32pm on March 24th, 2010, Janet Felipe said…

I recently lost my significant other to a brain tumor. It was 3 weeks between diagnosis and death, and I am still in shock. I have suffered many losses over the past 10-15 years, and I am now totally alone once again--no children, no parents, no siblings. I gave my heart and soul to this wonderful man… Continue

Added by Janet Felipe on March 25, 2010 at 2:05pm — 2 Comments

Her birthday is the 28th....

(crying)

Added by deRel on March 24, 2010 at 4:38pm — No Comments

SAFE

Scott and I snapped at each other for the first time tonight. His mother called because she has a virus on her computer and wants him to fix it- can he come down tomorrow? I was sooo mad. I snapped at him "why don't you tell her no, my daughter is dead, hire someone, she should not be asking you for anything". Scott did not think it was a big deal, she does so much for us. I know I overreacted but I was enraged, not at her, just at everything. So a few minutes later he is sighing which is what… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 24, 2010 at 11:15am — No Comments

Missing

I feel like half of me is missing. I miss my son because he is gone to heaven and I can't get to him. I cry for him daily. I am depressed to the max and can't seem to get him out of my mind. He is gone. I will never get to see him with a wife and kids. I forever miss him. My heart is just not the same. I am not the same. I don't like the way I am feeling. I miss him so much I think I can't breath sometimes. This isn't fair. I don't know why God didn't take me. I have lived a life. It was his… Continue

Added by Kim on March 24, 2010 at 4:35am — No Comments

DREAM

I had a dream last night. We were away somewhere and it was Halloween. I was across a street and the girls and Scott and some other people were trick or treating. I heard "mama, mama". I looked up and saw a little girl walking along with an old lady. She did not look exactly like Emmie, she was not wearing her clothes but I knew that voice, "mama". I yelled "Emmie" and she looked at me, it was her. I ran and grabbed her from the woman who in the dream had changed Emmie's clothes and was trying… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 23, 2010 at 8:46pm — 1 Comment

missing my son

why does it have to hurt so bad, tomorrow will be6mo since the accident,and nothing has changed, i hate this the grief is just overwhelming, there has to be peace, paula

Added by paula on March 23, 2010 at 1:05pm — No Comments

Life101

In 2006, I lost my friend, my lover, and my husband when Michael House lost his battle with Hepatitis C. Disease is an ugly enemy; it strips its victims of all makeup: success, status, money, beauty, and intelligence eventually go and the body acknowledges that, in order to free the spirit, it must stop functioning. And because I, the survivor, was still very ego-invested, occupying a body that was willing to cooperate in the illusion of self, I grew sad in anticipation of his passing and… Continue

Added by Suzanne McNamee on March 22, 2010 at 4:21pm — No Comments

HI EVERYONE I AM NEW TO THIS SITE, I WANT TO SAY I WISH EVERYONE WELL AND MY HEARTFELT SYMPATHY IS WITH EVERYONE .I WAS MARRIED TO BOB FOR 30 YEAR'S HE PASSED SO QUICKLEY I DID NOT EVEN KNOW ...I WA…

HI EVERYONE I AM NEW TO THIS SITE,



I WANT TO SAY I WISH EVERYONE WELL AND MY HEARTFELT SYMPATHY IS WITH EVERYONE .I WAS MARRIED TO BOB FOR 30 YEAR'S HE PASSED SO QUICKLEY I DID NOT EVEN KNOW ...I WAS IN SHOCK WHEN I GOT THE CALL FROM MY DAUGHTER ...HE PASSED ON NOV 18 06 I NEED HELP I THINK ALL THE TIME WHEN I THINK I AM GETTING BETTER AND I TRY TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE I JUST CANT ,,I AM ALONE I HAVE READ EVERYTHING ON THIS SITE AND I HAVE DONE ALMOST EVERYTHING PRINTED ..I CAN'T GET… Continue

Added by sheila on March 21, 2010 at 9:16pm — 1 Comment

It was a Very bad week, but I got thru it!

I just lost my mother Jan.12,2010. That seemed like the end of my life as I know it. We were very close, I talk to her almost everyday, if not I went to see her. That we the whole reson for me moving back to Columbus, so I could be closer to her. I lost my father 10 years ago, I remember how hard that was to get thru, this is going to be much worse. Once you loose both parents, you really feel lost. I was prepaired for my dad's death because he had cancer, my mother I talked to her the day… Continue

Added by Deanna Little on March 21, 2010 at 5:30pm — No Comments

Missing Family

I have read all the messages here and I feel bad for each and every one of you. Both my parents are gone now.. My father passed away on 3-6-08 and my Mother passed away on 7-8-09. Then my sisters husband died on 10-22-09.. This is very hard for me..Life will never be the same again. I believe in God and Jesus' and I want so hard to believe there is an after life, but will we still be family? I miss my family so much! My Mom was my closest friend my entire life. My Dad was too, but in a… Continue

Added by Sue Davis on March 21, 2010 at 4:43pm — 2 Comments

Third Anniversary

This weekend begins the walk of saying goodbye again to my precious son and daughter-in-law. Arthur came home on leave from the Air Force to surprise his mom and collect his new bride to move to his new assignment in Minot, ND. We spent three glorious days together, he drove me to work and picked me up, we shared meals, shared heart to heart stories and waved good bye as they set out on their journey. Two days later they were both gone. One hour outside of the base, they were both killed in a… Continue

Added by Micheline on March 21, 2010 at 12:52pm — No Comments

Angel Above

There's an angel above me everyday. And Regina is my angels name she watches me from dusk till dawn and shines upon me like the sun. Her halo shines so very bright my angels dressed up all in white. Her jet black hair is what i love the most about my little heavenly host. She is such a sight to see my daughters watching over me. Hi my name is Lou and i lost my daughter Regina May Guzman to violence on march19,2003. The poem i wrote was to let other parents who lost a child know that even if our… Continue

Added by Lou on March 21, 2010 at 11:30am — 2 Comments

family

So many of my family members have passed and
recently many of my friends family members. The
grief when it comes feels like a big heavy blanket
that drops on top of me. I never know when it will
come during times of grief. What I do know is I try to
embrace it as life seems forever changed after awhile and I slowly start to move forward.
I feel as though everything around me it so acutely
alive in these times and yet so much feels so quiet.

Added by Debby on March 21, 2010 at 12:32am — 1 Comment

If I Could Go Back

This is an excerpt from my blog that I wrote about my son. The post was written on March 13, 2009. I have been marking each moment since his death. I cannot believe it has been seven months.



Today marks seven months since Nickolas has left us. Every day I stand in Nick's room and I look at his pictures and I cry. I play his music for him and hug his clothes. The other day I wrote this on Nick's dry erase board:



Nice and neat Nannerpus

Incredible and… Continue

Added by Big D on March 21, 2010 at 12:23am — No Comments

IMMOBILE

There is no escape from this hell. I was up all night again, not able to fall asleep until around 4AM. When I do sleep I wake up multiple times and hour curled as tight as I can be in the fetal position, I know I am trying to just fade away, to escape. I had a couple stupid dreams last night. Nothing connected to Emmie but every once and a while she would be there, just casually, like this had never happened. I woke up and saw her gicky (pacifier) on Scott's nightstand. I lost it. I sat in bed… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 20, 2010 at 5:58pm — 1 Comment

REPEAT

I can not move past this. Everyday is the same. I wake up praying it is a bad dream, knowing it is not. I think about it and rationally can not accept that this can just happen, for no reason. I move to the couch and I sit all day. I look at pictures of Emmie, I close my eyes and think about her, I cry. REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT. This is my life now. I know that I could bring some "good" into my day. I could go for a walk with Cayden, read a book to Reese, but I can not move. I guess a part of me… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 20, 2010 at 5:55pm — No Comments

Anniversary Reactions

An understanding of anniversary reactions is especially important for grievers who have suffered their loss a year or more ago. Even if we are not consciously aware of our emotions, our psychological clock will be extremely accurate. Significant days or events from the past will stir feelings which we may act out. For example, I worked with woman who every Spring found herself overwhelmed by uncontrollable bouts of crying. Her ability to concentrate at work suffered, and she became… Continue

Added by David Fireman on March 20, 2010 at 4:00pm — 10 Comments

i have to do something in her honor...

as i deal with this grief i'm getting more upset at about one of the reasons she's no longer with me.

There was an accident at the nursing home she was in McKeesport PA and it resulted in her death shortly after. Oh my God !!!! They tried to cover it up... i was told that she had fallen on the floor and nurses and other staff were trying to help her and rescusitate her...she suffered bruised and a broken shoulder and ended up in ICU.



I want people to know what happened to her.… Continue

Added by deRel on March 20, 2010 at 2:49am — No Comments

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