March 2010 Blog Posts (110)

Missing You!

May you rest in peace grandmother...I love you! You were everything to all of us! A true Diva & woman with lots of wisdom!

Added by Tessie on March 8, 2010 at 10:38pm — No Comments

One week

One week ago our baby girl and love of our life passed away in her sleep at only 28 months. She had been completely healthy. We had zero warning. I went up to get her from a nap as I had done many times and since then nothing but horror. Cayden (7) and Reese (5) were home at the time and saw me come down screaming call 911. They saw the grief and horror on my wife's face. They saw the police. They saw the ambulance. They pleaded with fate to allow her to come back and they would give up… Continue

Added by EmersonLily1103 on March 8, 2010 at 10:11pm — 4 Comments

NIGHTMARE CONTINUES...

IF ANYBODY DESERVED A LONG AND PEACEFUL LIFE, IT WAS YOU CONRAD...I WOULD TRADE PLACES WITH YOU IN A SECOND SON...WHY IS IT THAT YOU WERE TAKEN FROM THIS EARTH...IT JUST ISNT FAIR...

Here we are...March 08, 2010 ! ! ! The week of, the beginning of...the first murder trial, to put away for life...the first of those people who murdered my son Conrad on January 03, 2010...it starts March 12, 2010....Words cannot explain the way I feel...this has been the most horrific, life shattering,… Continue

Added by ELOY CONRAD DURAN II on March 8, 2010 at 8:37pm — No Comments

After the Service, Back Home

Today we got back home after being gone for the last four days for Gary's memorial service in Omaha. The service was quite nice. Lots of people showed up (I forgot to get a guest book, darn it) and lots of folks had very nice things to say about Gary. They told stories, mostly about his generosity, which was legendary, I believe, and they told jokes that he told them. He was always so much fun, and so funny. He could ignite a room with his wit and he was always the smart one in the bunch,… Continue

Added by Colleen on March 8, 2010 at 5:00pm — No Comments

untitled 03-07-10

Death is swift and unrelenting

now, hear the sounds of our lamenting,

The heartrending cries of despair unending.

You who took away my work of parenting

hold him tightly in your cloak, all encompassing.

Secure his path into forever dreaming,

quickly without hesitating.

Life continues here on earth mundanely numbed

by his sudden departing.


LB

Added by laura b on March 8, 2010 at 11:30am — 1 Comment

Coming To Terms With Your Grief: Reaching Neutral

Love vs Fear

Good vs Evil

Light vs Dark

Happiness vs Sadness



These pairs, and many others, are reflective of the natural duality of this world.



It is in the comparison of these polar opposites that you can find the true meaning behind these words/concepts/emotions, for, if you have never known any sort of darkness, how is it possible to appreciate the light fully?



Grief is darkness personified. At first, it is as if a blackout curtain has been… Continue

Added by Ellen Gerst on March 8, 2010 at 10:30am — 2 Comments

No One

It happened. I slept last night, maybe for 5-6 hours. I woke up thinking it was all a dream, the worst nightmare imaginable. I was so greatful. I looked at the clock and the light in the room and was waiting for Emmie to start her morning ritual of yelling for me when all I wanted to do was sleep. Then I felt the necklace. This can not be true, I can not live this life. The despair is overwhelming.



The kids are going back to school. Scott is driving them there but needs me to get… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 8, 2010 at 7:46am — No Comments

I can't take it anymore

I am still so tired of missing my son. I want to see him. I want to hold him. I want to talk to him. He has been gone 3 months now and it still hurts so bad I can't stand myself. I am a changed person I am a mother with empty arms because of one her kids are going never to be seen on this earth again. Anger naa I am not mad I am hurt. I want my family to whole again. I want to just sit and have dinner with my family again. If you all knew Chris Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. Which makes… Continue

Added by Kim on March 8, 2010 at 7:27am — No Comments

BARREN

I have heard of woman having stillborn babies and leaving the hospital empty. Empty womb, empty arms. That is how I feel, except that I know what I am missing. I know who my little girl was. I know that she was so very special. I know that she has an insane love for fun and people. All her little phrases just keep running through my head. I feel so empty, used up, barren. From the time I knew we were expecting Emmie I did everything to ensure her health and safety. I did everything right while… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 7, 2010 at 9:47pm — No Comments

And another bad day

Tired of this rollercoaster now. My brother was in town for a couple of days, and while he was here I was fine. I could think about Dan without it hurting so much, and put up the front that I was "okay" well enough that I felt okay for a little bit. Until I had to drop my brother off at the airport - the airport where Dan worked. Gods, what am I going to do if every time I go to the airport I lose it?



I wen tto my group after I dropped my brother off, but there was someone using our… Continue

Added by Chris B on March 7, 2010 at 8:28pm — No Comments

HOPELESS

It is a beautiful day out today. I think of all my friends families, planning their day out to get some fresh air. I want to stay in bed and that is only secondary to my first choice which is to not be here at all. I guess today is the day we are supposed to start trying to live. The services are over, there is nothing more I can do for Em, but I know I can not live.



Scott is doing a better job than me. Even if he is faking it at least he is faking it. I don't even want to try. I… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 7, 2010 at 8:25pm — 1 Comment

When does it end?

I was widowed in 1999 after a twenty eight year marriage. He died in front of me at home with my four year old grandaughter at his side. Even though it is going into the eleventh year I go through the motions as a stranger alone in this world. I go out to eat alone and stare at an empty chair, yes I have made friends and lost some too and as you know us widows are a threat it seems to couples out there. A lot of my friends are to busy and some of it is my fault for I find myself thinking oh… Continue

Added by Janet Savich on March 7, 2010 at 10:03am — No Comments

HI, MY NAME IS DEB AND I LOST MY SON 4 YEARS AGO, HE WAS 20 YEARS OLD. I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO OTHERS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THIS. I HAVE NEVER REACHED OUT TO OTHERS WHO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND TH…

HI, MY NAME IS DEB AND I LOST MY SON 4 YEARS AGO, HE WAS 20 YEARS OLD. I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO OTHERS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THIS. I HAVE NEVER REACHED OUT TO OTHERS WHO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THIS JOURNEY WE ARE ON, AND WOULD LIKE TO. I HAVE BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME LATELY, I AM REMEMBERING THINGS I MUST HAVE BEEN TO NUMB TO FEEL OR THINK ABOUT AT THE TIME. THANKS, DEB Continue

Added by DEBBIE on March 7, 2010 at 9:21am — No Comments

THIS PAIN IS UNBEARABLE!

It has been two days when my daddy suddenly died from a massive heart attack. There has never been any heart problems in our family. He went in for leg and lower back pain and now he is DEAD??? My heart is hurting so much I don't know what to do, it was just me and my dad as my mom passed in 2005, I have no brothers and sisters and he was my BEST FRIEND my whole life.
I can hardly breathe and this pain just seems unbearable, why god, why???

Added by Gina on March 6, 2010 at 9:08pm — No Comments

EMPTY

Today I am almost numb. We had Emmie's memorial service and now there is not a lot more to do for her. I keep having to remind myself this is real, I am really not going to raise this child, she is really gone. I thought I had accepted it but I feel my mind pulling back from the truth. This can not be real it is just too horrifying, too painful. I pick up my camera and there is a picture from last week. She is being a goof in the tub, she is fine, how is this happening?



The confusion… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 6, 2010 at 4:17pm — No Comments

PAIN

Every morning it is worse. I wake up when I do not want the day to ever come. I try to breathe and can barely open my chest. The weight is crushing. Cayden or Reese come in. They are loud, they want breakfast. Cayden is being hyper trying to make everyone laugh. I just want them to go away. How can I be wishing they would go away when all I want is my baby daughter here. I do not want to live. All I want is my baby.



The girls go downstairs and they echo in the foyer. It is all wrong,… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 5, 2010 at 10:35pm — No Comments

LOST

I don't know why I am typing this, like maybe if someone understands my loss it will help, but it won't, nothing will. I lie in bed or wander the house at night just praying the sun doesn't rise, the day doesn't start. I do not want to live, to be here without my baby. I see no way to continue on without her light in my life. I know that for Cayden and Reese I have no choice but to get up and go through the motions but I am not here, I am a broken shell and I just want to be swept away, I have… Continue

Added by Danielle on March 5, 2010 at 10:34pm — No Comments

One Year Ago

One year ago, my oldest brother passed away. It has gotten easier but I still often ponder the "what if?" I really am doubting if my siblings and I did the right thing by pulling the life support from him? I know in my heart I did but I still question. Now my question is, why am I still questioning this? The scans all showed he was brain dead. No normal activity going on. Quality of life, there was none, according to all doctors and all tests. My feelings, set aside, I really pray God will ease… Continue

Added by Connie on March 5, 2010 at 5:29pm — No Comments

Staten Island Bereavement Groups for All Who Grieve

University Hospice offers Adult and Children's Bereavement Groups.
Karen L Goldman, LMHC, BCPC, Bereavement Cooordinator runs two Adult Support Groups at St. Andrews Church Hall:
Every 2nd & 4th Monday at 1pm & 7pm-Adults
Children's Group, Ages 6-14 at 7pm Only with
Pre-Registration. Call Karen at: 718-226-6451

Added by Karen L Goldman,LMHC BC on March 5, 2010 at 9:12am — No Comments

A good day

Today was actually a pretty good day. I don't know if it was a sense of calm from having one more question answered, or if it was the face that it was the third day in a row of sunshine, but whatever it was, I was in a good mood practically all day, was focused and productive, and was in good spirits. I even went to dance class tonight (which I haven't done since I lost Dan), and while I'm stiff and sore, I'm still relatively content. I only lost it for a second at class, then was able to flow… Continue

Added by Chris B on March 4, 2010 at 11:56pm — No Comments

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